Hope
by mozie
Summary: The war is over, so why does Tansy feel as though she is still fighting? There is more at stake than ever before. A new baby. Relationships to rebuild. And a secret that could ruin everything if it is discovered. Tansy, Harry, Ron and Hermione return to Hogwarts for their 'eighth' year. Sequel to Not One Word.
1. Chapter 1

The darkness was heavy and impenetrable, as if she was submerged under a mile of inky water. It pressed on Tansy's eyelids and seeped into her mouth and ears, gradually obscuring both her mind and body with its darkness. The harder she fought against it, then the deeper into it she seemed to sink. She lost track of all time, of all sense of being. She only knew that she was still alive. Still fighting although she couldn't remember why. She couldn't even remember what she was fighting for.

When the change came, it happened slowly but Tansy gradually became aware of a light gleaming in the darkness above her: A tiny flickering bead of hope that shone brighter and stronger the longer she looked at it, until it finally became so intense that she was forced to close her eyes to shut it out. The thin membrane of her eyelids did very little to block out the fire but when Tansy tried to turn her head to look away, she found herself frozen in place and unable to move even the slightest muscle. There didn't seem to be anything else for it but to embrace the light before it blinded her.

It happened instantaneously as she made the decision; Tansy's eyelids fluttered open automatically and she felt herself recoiling with surprise when the familiar sight of the Hogwarts hospital wing swam into focus. She was alive and awake – that came as a surprise too. The room seemed to be full of people. They were grouped in clumps around the walls and most of them seemed to be in tears. Their voices distorted over each other with a strange discordance, which was impossible for her to understand. They looked oddly familiar.

For perhaps twenty seconds Tansy struggled to remember their names. Then, a strange, high-pitched whimper cut through her concentration and her eyes found the source of the strange noise; a tiny baby held tightly in the arms of man with red hair. He was crying so desperately, so hopelessly that Tansy felt her heart clenching with pity for him even as a part of her mind recoiled at his familiarity. Tears dripped down onto the baby's head and it whimpered and squirmed in discomfort, its tiny, starfish hands reaching out and grasping at thin air, its mouth opening and closing like a baby bird's. As the baby opened its mouth and cried out again, Tansy felt a strange sensation in her chest; as though a fist had reached inside her rib-cage and clutched her heart briefly before releasing it once more. It erased the numbness that filled her chest, leaving a strange warmth in its wake.

Something clicked in Tansy's brain.

She could name everyone in the room.

The memories flooded back and she recoiled at their intensity. She remembered everything that had happened. Everything that she had done. She cringed slightly, her fingers twitching automatically towards her stomach. The strange, fluttering thing inside her was gone and her stomach felt strangely light and empty... the baby, _her_ baby was gone...

Unless...

With one swift movement she pushed herself up the bed, still staring with wide, disbelieving eyes at the baby in Fred Weasley's arms. The baby she had resigned herself never to meet.

There was a shocked silence as everybody in the room looked towards the bed and froze. Tears ran dry, stopping in mid-flow, and there were a few startled cries before all the sound in the room became muted as everyone stared at the girl on the bed in stunned disbelief. Tansy ignored them all; her eyes were still on the baby, cradled in Fred's arms.

'Tansy?' Tansy dragged her eyes away from the child's tiny, perfect face in time to see Professor McGonagall sagging in her chair in a dead faint. This seemed to be the cue that everybody else had been waiting for and they all surged forwards towards the bed, their voices jarring over one another. Tansy had reached out a concerned hand towards her adoptive mother but she now felt herself shrinking backwards instinctively as the surrounding area suddenly became crowded. It didn't matter that they were her friends; the close proximity of so many bodies made her heart skid and she suddenly felt claustrophobic and anxious. Her brain felt like it was going to explode from the confusion of it all; she couldn't understand how they could all be here… how the baby could've made it… how she herself was still alive. The last thing she remembered was that slightly surreal conversation she'd had with Sirius, right after the blood magic ritual, but that was surely months ago. Just how long had she been unconscious in the hospital wing?

'Give them both some space.' Madam Pomfrey seemed to have recovered enough from her shock to form a coherent sentence and she now stepped forwards and started hustling the others back with her hands as she bent over the unconscious Professor.

'Tansy?' Tansy turned as she heard her name being spoken for a second time – Fred was standing at the end of the bed, the baby in his arms cradled tightly to his chest as he rocked her instinctively. Tansy dropped her eyes back to the baby's face; it was easier than looking at Fred and this was where her eyes were being drawn to anyway.

'How are you…? Oh, it doesn't matter!' When she glanced up at the question, she saw that the tears had started flowing down his cheeks again and he closed the small distance between them and placed the tiny bundle into Tansy's lap before enveloping them both in a tight hug.

In spite of the distraction of the baby in her lap, Tansy flinched away at his touch and instinctively pulled the baby in towards her chest, her heart skipping slightly as the child turned her head and started nuzzling Tansy's front. Fred took an automatic step backwards as he felt Tansy recoil from him. Tansy glanced up at his face and then looked away again immediately, wishing she hadn't. His face bore a half-concerned, half-understanding expression. He looked so much like his brother. Too much like his brother.

'Ah there we go…' Madam Pomfrey sighed with relief and took a step backwards away from Professor McGonagall as the other witch stirred feebly in her chair.

'Miss Granger? Mr Weasley? Could you please take Minerva out and get her a cup of something hot and sweet? In fact…' The matron looked around at the assembled crowd and then back at Tansy, whose face still showed her discomfort and confusion at the situation. '…could you all wait outside while I asses Miss Laverstock? I'm sure she's very confused and we don't want to cause her any unnecessary distress.' Nobody argued with her but everyone seemed reluctant to leave the room. Tansy saw the longing on her best friends' faces as they stared back at her as they made their way over to the double doors and felt a twinge of guilt. Slowly the hospital wing emptied, leaving Tansy, Fred and the baby alone with the matron.

'And now Miss Laverstock…' The matron choked suddenly and wiped at her eyes with the hem of her robes. '… I never thought I'd have the opportunity to say that again.' She sniffed loudly and swallowed before continuing. 'I have no idea how you did that… I'm…' She seemed to be at a loss for words as she stepped forwards and started waving her wand over the young witch. Tansy looked between her and Fred in confusion, winced slightly and looked back towards the matron even though it was Fred who answered the questions in her eyes.

'You… you… we thought… we thought you were dead.' His voice was still thick with tears and that made it easier for her to listen to the words rather than comparing the sound and timbre to that of his brother's. 'We thought that when the baby was born you would die. You stopped breathing and your heart stopped…'

Tansy glanced down at the baby's face once more, still unable to believe that this was her baby, the little thing that she had felt fluttering inside her all those months ago. Her baby… this tiny, perfect child. For the first time since waking up, she felt tears starting in her eyes and her throat closed with emotion as she drank in every inch of her daughter; she was tiny but perfect. Her eyes were huge and dark blue in her pale face and she had a microscopic tuft of auburn hair. She blinked several times as she tried to focus on Tansy's face. Someone had dressed her in a pale pink Babygro.

Tansy thought back to the sacrifice that she had made on the castle lawn when she performed the blood magic ritual in order to protect her friends from the wrath of Voldemort. She remembered the betrayal she had committed when she sacrificed her own life while carrying another. She winced as she remembered the pain of that betrayal. Then she thought back to the surreal conversation she'd had with Sirius in the Transfiguration classroom and she remembered the choice she had made; she had chosen to protect her baby even if it meant that she herself had to die. Tansy knew that it would take her some time to get her head around the guilt; guilt of the betrayal that had been so instrumental in the blood magic ritual. But she also knew that she had made the right choice eventually.

'Her name is Hope.' Tansy looked up automatically but the sight of Fred's tear-stained face sent a wave of anxiety fluttering through her again and she dropped her gaze immediately.

'Are you in pain Miss Laverstock?' The matron had finished waving her wand over Tansy but she looked confused and concerned by her findings, so much so that she was asking Tansy's opinion, something that she rarely did; Tansy had a history of downplaying her symptoms. Tansy shook her head automatically but then considered for a few seconds; her body felt fine physically, slightly stiff and sore but that was to be expected. On the other hand, her mind felt like it was going to explode.

'I really don't understand.' Tansy had never heard the matron say those words before and found them slightly alarming. 'You've proved me wrong on occasion in the past, Miss Laverstock but this time I am totally at a loss. Every organ in your body was failing but now…' She waved her wand once more, as if the diagnosis might've changed in the thirty seconds that had passed. 'Now, aside from the slight residual trauma from the labour, you seem to be in perfect health, if a little undernourished.'

The _labour_ ; Tansy cringed slightly at the thought. Somehow, _impossibly_ , she'd given birth to the baby in her arms. There was a part of her that was glad she'd been unconscious, and yet, another part of her grieved for those lost hours with her daughter.

'Do you remember what happened?' Tansy shrugged, anxiety stirring in the pit of her stomach at the question – of course she remembered. She knew what she had nearly done. She remembered the decision she had made to help the Dark Lord and then the sudden change of heart when she'd seen her friends' faces staring up at her from the castle lawn. She remembered the betrayal she'd committed. Her mouth twisted of its own accord and she felt herself starting to tremble slightly. The matron placed a gentle hand on Tansy's shoulder, trying to calm her. It didn't work.

'Look at me, Miss Laverstock.' Tansy looked up and met the matron's concerned eyes for a brief instant but then found that she had to look away again; the memories were starting to overwhelm her.

'You saved all of our lives with the blood magic ritual,' Fred said, in a low voice. Tansy blanched slightly, wondering if he knew how close it had come to a different outcome.

'Your sacrifice gave us several hours of advantage, Miss Laverstock. Mr Potter fought with You Know Who and won. The Dark Lord is dead and his Death Eaters have been rounded up and are awaiting trial in Azkaban. Nobody else was hurt thanks to you. Between the two of you, you saved us all.'

All but one… Tansy bit her lip but she couldn't prevent a single tear from over spilling and running down her cheek as George Weasley's face swam in front of her eyes. Why had nobody mentioned George yet? Maybe they didn't know what she'd done? Tansy wondered how long it would be before they found out her secret. She couldn't imagine what they would say when the time came. Nobody commented as the tear dripped lightly off her chin and onto baby Hope's forehead.

'Professor Snape found you in the forest after the battle was over and he brought you here. Everyone was so surprised that you were still alive after the blood magic ritual. After you sacrificed yourself to save us all. You've been here for just over three months. I wanted you to carry the baby to term but your body started to fail and in the end I had to deliver her early.' Tansy looked down at the child in her arms in alarm, wondering if any lasting damage had occurred. With shaking hands, he unwrapped the blue knitted blanket that she was wrapped in. Underneath the wrappings, little Hope was even tinier than she had originally thought; the pink Babygro swamped her skinny limbs.

'She's perfectly healthy, Miss Laverstock. She's small but she's strong.'

'Just like her mother.' Neither Tansy nor Madam Pomfrey acknowledged Fred's comment.

'She was born yesterday morning. Birth weight of three pounds exactly. I think she's lost a bit since but that's perfectly normal.' Tansy tried to gently lift the baby out of her blanket but Madam Pomfrey swooped forwards, her hands outstretched. 'Carefully, Miss Laverstock! You have to support the head.'

Tansy blushed but she awkwardly followed the matron's advice. The baby felt almost feather light and so breakable as she lifted her up towards her face, the sweet scent of dried milk filling her nose. Baby Hope squirmed slightly and then opened her mouth and let out a plaintive cry, her starfish hands grasping again. Tansy looked over towards the matron in alarm, afraid that she'd done something wrong and hurt her.

'It's okay, Miss Laverstock. She's just having a whimper. Hold her like this.' Madam Pomfrey helped to gently lay the baby over Tansy's shoulder. Then she turned towards the door. Tansy tightened her hold around the tiny, squirming body and started to rub the baby's back automatically.

'I'm going to check on Minerva. Would you like me to let in some of your friends now? I know they will be dying to see you.'

Tansy paled slightly at the question; she felt totally overwhelmed and she didn't know if she'd be able to cope with the sheer volume of people that had been in the room before. Then she remembered her friends' faces as they left the hospital wing. She wondered if they would still want to see her when they learned the truth.

'We'll do it a few at a time.' Tansy realised that the matron had been watching the play of emotions over her face. She gave the girl on the bed a small smile before turning on her heal and walking towards the doors.

'Tansy…' Tansy felt her heart constrict slightly at the sound of her name. She dropped her eyes back to the bed covers and felt her hands still on the baby's back. 'Tansy, I know this is hard. I…' Fred's voice cracked slightly and he reached forwards and placed his hands on Tansy's knees through the bed covers. Tansy flinched backwards and he removed them again immediately.

'Tansy… I just want you to know that I'm always… always here for you.' He reached out and stroked her face with one hand, but withdrew it again as she cringed away and placed it on the baby's head instead. 'We will get through this together.' Tansy felt her breath catching in her throat as he spoke; George Weasley's face swam before her eyes. Fred didn't know... Fred could never know...

'We will get through this together.' Fred repeated, his voice becoming stronger. Biting her lip against the tears that threatened to fall, Tansy shook her head.

* * *

Well here is the first instalment of Hope, the sequel to Not One Word. Hope you enjoy. Please let me know what you think.


	2. Chapter 2

Tansy lay on her side curled up in a foetal position with her arms wrapped around her knees. From this position, she had a clear view of the cot beside her bed and the tiny baby that lay asleep there. It had been four days since she had woken up in the hospital wing, four days during which she'd started to realise all that had happened to the wizarding world during the long months she'd been unconscious. Four days during which she'd struggled with the concept of becoming a mother. Four days during which she tried to come to terms with all that had happened to her during her months of captivity. They had told her that the war was over; Voldemort's supporters had been rounded up and were now in captivity waiting trial. They had stressed that Tansy herself didn't have to _do_ anything at the moment; they wanted her to focus on getting better and getting to know her daughter. But, try as she might, Tansy could feel herself breaking apart at the seams, stitch by stitch and she had no idea how much longer she would be able to hold herself together. She was still fighting the war but the opposing force was her own mind now and the secrets entombed there. Now, as she lay in the semi darkened hospital wing, she stared down at her daughter's perfect face and marvelled for the millionth time that she was actually here, against all the odds.

Almost as if she sensed her mother's eyes on her, Hope stirred restlessly and whimpered quietly. Something very close to panic fluttered briefly in her chest and Tansy uncurled herself reluctantly and reached out a hand in the hopes of settling her. The baby squirmed again and her eyelids fluttered open and Tansy sighed quietly, swallowing down the anxiety; she could do this on her own. Madam Pomfrey had taught her how to feed, change and comfort little Hope. Breathing deeply and steadily, she pushed herself into a sitting up position before reaching over and gently lifting the baby up and pressing her against her chest. Hope's mouth opened and closed like a baby bird's and Tansy realised that she was probably hungry. Her nappy also smelled as if it needed changing and Tansy could see a suspicious yellow stain on the legs of her white baby-gro.

Clutching Hope to her chest, Tansy swung her legs over the side of the bed and stood up carefully. First, she crossed over to the window and pulled up the blind. Bright white light immediately assaulted her and she flung up her free hand to protect her eyes from the glare. She squinted out at the grounds, smiling slightly as she realised that it was another beautiful August day. The dawn light glinted off the smooth, glassy surface of the lake and the trees in the forbidden forest were still as there wasn't even a candle breath of wind to stir their leaves. Hermione had promised to drop by that morning and Tansy hoped to take baby Hope out for a walk by the lake.

Glancing down into her daughter's tiny face, Tansy saw that the baby was staring up at her with wide, unblinking blue eyes, trying to focus on the face above her. Tansy felt her heart clench slightly as the tuft of auburn hair on the top of her head caught the sun and shone deep gold. Taking a deep breath, she pulled herself together; right now she couldn't wallow. Her daughter needed her to be strong.

 _Come on then little one._

Tansy couldn't bring herself to speak out loud. The thought was just too terrifying to imagine. This saddened her slightly because she knew that it was important for her baby to hear her mother's voice. Tansy wondered if she'd feel comfortable breaking her silence ever again. Her silence had always been the armoured cloak that she built around herself and right now, she felt as though she needed that cloak more than ever before. Instead, she carried the baby over to the small bathroom in silence where she laid her on the elevated changing mat that Madam Pomfrey had put there for this very purpose. Tansy had no idea where it had come from; Hope was the very first baby ever to be born at Hogwarts.

'Tansy, are you okay in there?' Tansy smiled at the sound of Minerva McGonagall's voice and felt herself exhaling slightly in relief at the thought of the helping hand. Keeping one hand on the wriggling baby, in case she slid herself off the mat, she pushed open the door with the other. She let the other woman give her a one-armed hug, before turning back to the task in hand.

'Urgh…' The older woman's exclamation pretty much summed up exactly what crossed through Tansy's mind as she unpeeled the yellow-stained, damp Babygro from her daughter's legs before removing the loaded nappy.

'I think a bath is in order.'

Tansy looked up and ceased her ineffectual wiping as her adoptive mother pointed her wand at the bath tap. She smiled tentatively at her, hoping to convey her thanks and Minerva McGonagall smiled back, knowing immediately what Tansy was trying to say. Tansy gently eased the baby's arms out of the Babygro and lifted her up, trying and failing to keep the worst of the mess off her own clothes. Although she trusted Professor McGonagall, she couldn't help but place her free hand in the bath to check its temperature before she lowered the baby onto the soft sponge, baby support there. Baby Hope tensed as the warm water flowed over her and she whimpered pathetically. Then, evidently deciding that she liked it, she relaxed into the sponge, her tiny starfish hands ceased their grasping and flopped into the water beside her. Her skinny legs kicked up and water splattered her adopted grandmother's glasses.

 _There it's not so bad after all is it?_

Tansy smiled down at her daughter. Some strange emotion was rising in her chest, overpowering all other thought and feeling. It took her a while to realise what it was.

 _I love you so much little Hope. More than my own life._

* * *

'We leave this evening. Kingsley has arranged an international Portkey for us.' Tansy looked over at her friend and immediately read the anxiety there. She extended a hand in the hopes that she could convey some element of sympathy and calm without speaking. Hermione and Tansy were making the most of the gorgeous summer afternoon by taking a stroll around the lake. Tansy who still wasn't back to her peak strength had reluctantly allowed Hermione to take the baby carrier in case of mishaps. Hermione was telling Tansy about her and Ron's plans to travel to Australia to find Hermione's parents and return their modified memories.

'The Australian Ministry of Magic has already located them. Apparently, they've both had a total career change. She teaches yoga and he's a baker.' Hermione's voice trembled slightly and she bit her lip, clearly fighting back tears. Tansy could only imagine how confused her friend must be feeling; it must be awful not knowing the people who your parents had turned into. Or rather, the people that _you_ had turned them into.

'I don't want them to think that I didn't care and that's why I've left it so long but…' A tear dripped down Hermione's cheek and Tansy took an involuntary step forwards, wanting to pull the other girl into a hug. Then she felt her knees lock into place and her heart skipped as adrenaline flooded her body. Her arms dropped stiffly to her sides and she frowned; she wasn't ready for the physical intimacy.

'I would've looked for them before but…' She trailed off and Tansy knew what the other girl hesitated to say; all of her friends had been busy trying to find out any information they could on the Dark Magic ritual Tansy had performed. Added to that Hermione would've been trying to give Ron and the Weasleys as much support as she possibly could. Tansy felt her brain stutter over this thought and was pleased when Hermione carried on speaking because it drew her attention away again.

'I just don't know if I can cope with anything else... I'm scared that they'll be really angry with me… or…' Hermione placed a shaking hand over her eyes. 'They're going to hate me forever.'

The silence stretched uncomfortably and Tansy wished that she was able to fill it and offer her friend some support. Instead, she pulled Hermione over towards one of the weeping willow trees and ducked under the hanging green fronds, sitting down on the soft turf underneath. Hermione followed without question, tears now flowing freely down her cheeks.

 _I wish I could tell you that everything is going to be okay. But I honestly don't know if it is. I still feel as if I'm fighting._

Tansy stared fervently into her best friend's brown eyes, hoping to convey the message. Hermione unhitched the baby sling and carefully laid Hope out on the floor in front of them.

'I'm just so worried about everything at the moment Tansy.' Fresh tears welled up in Hermione's eyes. 'Ron's in pieces… all the Weasleys are. I'm hoping that the trials will give them some answers about George and then…'

Tansy's ears cut out and the rest of her friend's sentence was lost as she heard George's name. She was immediately thrown back to that tiny room the single, stained mattress on the floor, the streaked sunlight as it found its way in past the bars on the window... she remembered the desire written on George's face and her incensed rage as he forced himself on her.

There was a small cry, a whimper from the baby on the ground in front of them and she suddenly snapped back into herself. They were sitting on the ground under a weeping willow, staring out through the dangling green tentacle-like branches at the glassy surface of the lake. Tansy took a deep breath, re-cantering herself. She realised that Hermione was still speaking.

'…you are okay. I know everything is confusing at the moment but we're all in this together. It'll get easier, I promise.'

Tansy wondered when Hermione had started comforting _her_ rather than focusing on her own worries. There was another long silence, broken only by the baby's quiet sighs and Hermione's continued sniffs. Tansy extended a hand and rubbed it gently across the crown of Hope's head, her fingers marvelling at the feather lightness of her hair and the softness of her skin. Now, after the mention of George, she felt uncomfortable in Hermione's presence. She wanted this walk to be over as soon as possible so Hermione could leave again.

'Professor McGonagall told me that she's closing the school for two weeks so that all the staff are forced to take a holiday before the coming school year.' Tansy looked up and nodded. 'Even the house-elves are being asked to go away.' Hermione's eyes were still red but she had finally stopped crying and she looked slightly smug at the prospect of the Hogwarts house-elves being forced to take a holiday away from the castle.

'I know everybody at the Burrow would love if you came to stay.' Tansy shook her head numbly; she couldn't bear the thought of staying at the Burrow. 'What about the cottage? I'm sure Fred would…' Tansy blanched and turned away and Hermione broke off; it had become obvious to everyone that there was something wrong between Tansy and Fred. Tansy knew that they attributed it to what Malfoy had done to her at the manor.

 _I don't know where I'll go. I don't really have a home anymore._

'Miss Granger? Tansy?' Tansy saw the slightly-distorted image of Professor McGonagall through the hanging green fronds and felt a wave of relief. She tried to summon a smile to her face as the branches were pushed aside. 'I received a Floo-call from Mr Ronald Weasley. Apparently the Portkey is leaving earlier than expected so you should probably head back home.'

Hermione jumped to her feet immediately, looking flustered. Tansy got to her feet more slowly and placed a hand on her friend's arm, trying to pacify her. Minerva McGonagall stooped to pick up the baby, her knees creaking alarmingly. She then handed her back to Hermione so that she could lean on her stick as they began the walk back up to the castle.

The trio had almost reached the castle steps before anyone spoke again.

'Tansy, I know that you are finding being around a lot of people difficult at the moment so maybe the Burrow isn't the best place for you to go.' Tansy felt the familiar heat rising in her face and avoided looking at either of the other two women. 'I wanted to invite you to stay with me up in Scotland if you would like?' The Professor phrased it like a question. Tansy didn't even have to think; she nodded.

* * *

Tansy jerked awake suddenly, slightly surprised to find that she'd dropped off; she'd only lain down to settle little Hope but she could tell by the golden light filtering in through the window that they had both been asleep for hours. As she glanced down to check that the baby was okay, she became aware of voices coming from Madam Pomfrey's office.

'…if you're sure you can cope on your own, Minerva.' Remus's voice, sounding deeply sceptical.

'Of course; your wife needs you at home. Your _son_ needs you. At any rate, I won't be on my own; Madam Pomfrey will be popping by…' Tansy heard the mumbled agreement from the Matron. '…and the Weasleys, not to mention yourself and Nymphadora.'

'Of course, of course but you said yourself that there's something wrong. She's _too_ calm, _too_ quiet…'

'Too quiet? When has Tansy Laverstock ever been loud might I ask?' The Matron interjected softly. Remus ignored her.

'…there's so much pain in her eyes. She suffering but she's keeping it all bundled up inside again, and we know what happened last time.' There was a pregnant pause. Tansy felt her eyes flick down to the neat scar that ran the length of her exposed forearm and disappeared up under her sleeve and blanched slightly.

'She isn't ready to talk yet, Remus.' The tone of Minerva McGonagall's voice was softer than usual. 'If we tried to force her then I fear that we would do more damage than good.'

'I'm so worried about her, Minerva.' Remus's voice broke.

'We all are, Remus, but the only thing we can do it to let her know that we are all here behind her and hope that she lets us in eventually.'

Tansy bit her lip so hard that she tasted the metallic rusty flavour of blood on the tip of her tongue. For the first time since the day she'd woken up in the hospital wing, she felt tears welling up in her eyes.

* * *

Hello everyone! I hope you enjoy. Please let me know what you think. Reviews always inspire me to start on the next chapter.


	3. Chapter 3

Hermione's POV

The portkey twisted away and Hermione felt her stomach lurch as she was pulled into the familiar vortex by the tip of her index finger. She felt her eyes starting to water and her eardrums throbbed as the pressure around them increased with the crescendo of the wind. It went on for a lot longer than she had anticipated although even as the discomfort increased her analytical mind told her that she'd never taken a long-distance portkey in the past. When her feet finally slammed into the ground, it came as a surprise and she staggered forwards, her legs giving way. Before she could fall on her face, a hand had caught her around the wrist, dragging her upright again. Automatically, her own hand flew to the wand in her pocket. The impediment jinx caught the middle-aged wizard in the stomach before she'd even focused properly on her surroundings. Caught by surprise, he froze, his hand jerking backwards and Hermione lost her balance and fell over again. She suddenly found herself kneeling on a tiled floor, in a small office-like room that contained a mixture of mismatched desks and filing cabinets. The jinxed man in front of her had a look of surprise on his immobilised face. He had the slightly over-stuffed appearance of a man who's physical fitness has already peaked and is now in decline.

'Hermione?' She looked round to see Ron staring at her in shock.

'Here! What's going on in there?' The Australian twang was evident even through the wood of the door. A second later, it had burst open and half a dozen witches and wizards poured through into the small office. Hermione registered the six wand tips pointing in their direction and felt bile rising in her throat. She'd _really_ messed up this time.

'Expelliarmus!' Six voices shouted in unison. Hermione felt her wand fly out of her hand. Ron's followed suit.

'Here now… we didn't… please don't…' Ron's stammered, looking around at the six wand tips and their furious occupants.

'What did you do that for?' The jinxed man had regained the power of movement and was now glaring down at Hermione as she knelt in front of him. His hand twitched towards his wand. Hermione felt the blush rising in her cheeks before she even began explaining. She hated her vulnerability; kneeling on the ground just _waiting_ to receive whatever punishment was coming her way.

'I'm sorry, I'm sorry…' Hermione mentally stopped herself from wringing her hands but she could hear the pathetic note in her voice and despised herself for it. She never used to be such a sorry excuse for a witch. She was normally the strong one, the one who took care of others.

'Sorry mate, I think you took her by surprise.' Ron took a step towards the other wizard but immediately retreated again, putting up the palms of his hands in a pacifying gesture as seven wands twitched in his direction. Hermione noticed that the tips of his ears had turned red.

'She attacked me!' From this angle, Hermione could see that the man had a small piece of fried egg dangling from the end of his moustache. She gulped, suddenly feeling slightly nauseous.

'I'm sorry… I… I don't react well to… that sort of thing…' Hermione brandished feebly with her hand trying to demonstrate 'that sort of thing' without going into specifics. '…ever since… I'm sorry.' She felt Ron pulling at her elbow and allowed him to help her to her feet.

'Hermione was attacked a couple of months ago.' Hermione blushed again as he carried on from where she'd trailed off. Ron wrapped his hand around hers and squeezed it gently. It felt so good to finally know that her feelings for him were fully reciprocated. Even in this awkward situation, the feeling of his hand in hers sent a thrill of almost indecent pleasure thrilling though her body.

'She really didn't mean to.' There was a moment of awkward silence and then a collective sigh ran around the room as everyone seemed to breathe out at once.

'I really am very sorry,' Hermione offered her free hand, the one that wasn't currently removing all of the circulation from Ron's, to the man she'd attacked. She tried not to look at the piece of fried egg, bobbing up and down in his moustache as he stepped forward to shake it.

'So you must be Miss Hermione Granger and Mr Ron Weasley. It's a pleasure to meet you both of course. We've all heard so much about you. Welcome to Melbourne I'm Herbert Saddleworth and I'm your contact here at the Australian Ministry.' Out of the corner of her eye, Hermione saw the other wizards and witches filing back out of the room. A clock on the wall pronounced it to be three thirty in the morning. She wondered vaguely why there were so many people in the office at such an early hour.

'Yes we are, thanks.' Hermione heard Ron's polite reply and dragged herself back to the conversation.

'As I'm sure that you are aware, we are here to locate my parents. I cast a false memory charm on them to keep them safe about eighteen months' ago and now…' She trailed off because Herbert Saddleworth was nodding animatedly. The bit of fried egg in his beard flicked itself free and dropped to the floor and she suddenly fought down a slightly hysterical urge to giggle.

'Yes, we've been in touch with your Minister for Magic, Mr Kingsley Shacklebolt, incidentally, a wonderful man if you don't mind me saying, and he gave me the specifics in this case.' Herbert Saddleworth turned back to his desk and shuffled some parchment with his back to them. There appeared to be several large and untidy stacks of documents covering the surface of his desk so Hermione wasn't at all surprised when he turned around empty handed.

'I can't locate the document in question at the moment but rest assured that I located your parents very easily Miss Granger. They are living about a hundred and twenty miles down the coast from here. It is too early to bother them at the moment so I have taken the liberty of organising a suite of rooms at our Ministry hotel across the way.'

He gestured out of the wide window behind him. Outside, they could see the luminescent neon sign of a slightly dilapidated fast food outlet. A painted banner across the sign pronounced it to be 'shut for refurbishment'. Hermione wondered if the Muggles that lived in this area of Melbourne cared that the restaurant was never open. Herbert Saddleworth clicked his fingers and a plastic key card appeared out of thin air on the palm of his other hand. Hermione reached out to take it but suddenly found that her brain had sprinted forwards and she was suddenly imagining the hotel suite. It would be the first time that she'd be alone with Ron, _really_ alone with him. At the Burrow there were always too many people around for them to have the place to themselves and the atmosphere there was so depressing at the moment.

'Thank you…' Hermione felt as though her mumbled expression of gratitude fell a little flat.

'I would suggest that you rest there a while and we can go later on today. I'll find that paperwork for you to sign in the meantime.' He grinned somewhat sheepishly, altogether loosing his otherwise pompous air and Hermione felt herself warming to him.

'Right then, if you'd care to follow me then I will take you to your rooms.'

* * *

Ron POV

'Are you ready?' Ron asked because Hermione had been staring at the house in front of them for well over a minute. The house was _huge_ ; he could tell that it was much bigger than the house where the Grangers' had raised Hermione because she'd shown him several of those strange unmoving muggle photos. The posh bay windows and the manicured garden made him feel slightly nauseous. Merlin, if he felt this nervous then he had no idea what Hermione was feeling right now.

'I'm ready.' Hermione finally replied, her voice faint. Ron resisted the urge to wrap his arms around her at the brittle expression on her face. He wanted to hold her tightly until he made her feel better... Merlin, he wanted to… Ron felt the heat flushing through his ears and hoped that Hermione was too preoccupied to notice. The memory of what they had just done back in the hotel room was unhelpfully still at the front of his mind and right now he needed to concentrate. His eyes moved back to the house and he bit his tongue hard enough to make his eyes water. The pain distracted him a little which was good.

Herbert Saddleworth cleared his throat discreetly behind them. When neither Ron nor Hermione turned around he stepped towards them and tried again, louder.

'Well, I'd leave you to it then. Best of luck Miss Granger.' Ron dragged his eyes away from what he thought was probably the corner of a large marquee that could just be seen peeking out from behind the corner of the house. He nodded to the other wizard before he walked away down the road. At the corner, her turned on the spot and vanished into thin air. A loud crack broke through the sleepy silence around them.

'I'm ready.' Hermione repeated, taking a hesitant step forwards.

'Are you calm enough to undo the spell. You have to be calm to…' Ron knew he shouldn't have spoken even before she interrupted him.

'Stop nagging me Ronald!' Ron bit back a smile as the tone of her voice changed abruptly and followed her up the driveway. Her short temper would sometimes drive him demented but he'd always found it slightly sexy nonetheless.

When they reached the front door Hermione paused again but only for a second before she reached out a shaking hand and gently rapped the brightly polished brass door knocker. Then she took a step backwards and wrapped her arms tightly around her body. She looked like she was trying to hold herself together. Ron had seen Tansy do the same thing several times but he'd never seen Hermione look so fragile.

'Someone's coming.' The smoky shape on the other side of the glass door was getting closer and closer. Maybe it was the distortion on the glass but the shape seemed to take forever to get to them. Then there was a loud click and the door swung open. A tall, balding man stood in the doorway. Behind him Ron could make out a wide, sparsely furnished hall with a highly polished wooden floor and a set of curling stairs leading up to the floors above.

'Daddy!' Hermione squeaked, taking a step forwards.

'I beg your pardon!' Ron reached out automatically but his restraining hand wasn't needed. Hermione withdrew her wand and flicked it at her father.

'Memoria refero!' Blankness momentarily replaced Mr Granger's confusion. Then the confusion returned, amplified by several hundred times. Mr Granger stepped unsteadily forwards, his arms outstretched in front of him.

'Her- _Hermione_?'

* * *

Tansy's POV

Tansy was sitting alone in the window seat of the tiny bedroom Minerva McGongall had given her when they arrived at the Scottish cottage two hours ago. She was staring out at the view beyond the salt-crusted window pane; the small, overgrown garden ending in a short stretch of boulders and rocks and then the pebbly beach of the private cove and the slate coloured water further out. It looked so beautiful that she wondered whether they could go for a walk later that morning. The sea air might clear her head and she might even be brave enough to put her toes in the water.

There was a knock on the door and she saw it swing open out of the corner of her eye but she didn't turn; she knew what her adoptive mother had come to tell her. She'd seen _him_ arrive out of thin air in front of her window ten minutes ago; he'd wobbled as he landed and had grabbed at a dead-looking snargaluff stump to right himself.

'Tansy?' Tansy nodded but continued to stare out of the window. Minerva McGonagall took this as a signal that she could approach and Tansy felt her coming up behind her. A gentle hand caressed her back and she stiffened automatically but regretted it instantly as the hand was swiftly removed once more.

'Mr Weasley, er, _Fred_ is here. He popped by to make sure you and baby Hope were settling in okay. He'd like to see you but…'

 _But I don't want to see him._

'What do you say?' The hand returned to Tansy's shoulder. This time she didn't flinch and the other woman left it there. 'Do you want to see him…? Tansy…?'

Finally, Tansy turned her head and looked up at Minerva McGonagall. She shook her head firmly ignoring the disappointment in the other woman's eyes.

 _He's alone with my baby. What if he sees…? What if he realises…?_

The panic that flooded through her with this thought seemed to show in her eyes because the Professor tightened her grip on Tansy's shoulder.

'Things will get easier again Tansy, I promise.'

 _Why do people keep telling me that? This will not get any easier. What will they say when they find out?_

On an impulse, she reached forwards and grabbed a piece of scrap parchment and a muggle pencil from the bedside table. The Professor stood stock still as if she expected the younger witch to change her mind at any time. The pencil trembled a little in Tansy's hand as she put the point on the parchment. It shook even more as she started to write.

 _I'm sorry, ask him to leave, I can't, please._

It was disjointed and that single sentence to all of her concentration to write. Seeing the words, _her_ words in front of her made her want to tear the parchment into tiny pieces. It was as if she was letting them in, letting them hear her thoughts and it felt wrong.

'It's okay Tansy. You don't have to see him. I understand and so does Fred.'

 _I can't look at him. It hurts too much._

Tansy gasped in horror and grabbed at the quill with her other hand to stop herself writing anything further. With a second grab she caught up the parchment and scrunched it into a ball, hoping that the Professor hadn't seen what she'd written. But it was too late; Professor McGonagall dropped to her knees and enveloped the shaking witch in her arms.

'What do you mean Tansy? Why can't you look at him? Please tell me what you mean.' Tansy, her face hidden in the folds of the other woman's robes took a deep breath and tried to calm her thrumming heart while the Professor automatically stroked the top of her head. For the first time in her life, Tansy was glad of the anxiety that held her voice box so tightly in its fist that she could not utter a single sound, could not give away the secrets.

* * *

Thanks so much for my inspiring reviews. Life is hectic but I'm trying to find time to write.


	4. Chapter 4

**Warning. Some reference to suicidal thoughts.**

* * *

Ron's POV

'It's okay… shh. Deep breaths, Hermione.' Ron looked slightly helplessly at Hermione, who was shaking with sobs. He continued his rhythmical patting of her shoulder, feeling totally useless.

'I don't understand!' Hermione clutched at her face in distress, strands of sopping hair sticking to her tear-soaked cheeks.

'I know, I know… shh…' This was awful; Ron racked his brains for something more sympathetic to say but fell short. He flicked his wand at the kettle in the corner of the room and it began a low-pitched hissing as the water inside heated up; his mother was right, tea always helped to make things better.

'Why don't they….? I thought….? Oh Ron!' Hermione's speech was incoherent and she was shaking so badly that Ron felt sure she would fall off the sofa they were currently sat on.

They had just returned from the Grangers' house and, in spite of the plans they had made with Hermione's parents over the last two weeks, they had returned alone; on the eve of their departure back to England, Hermione's parents had decided that they wanted to continue with their lives in Australia. Ron recalled the Grangers' words to their daughter and shuddered with sympathy.

 _'Hermione, we understand that you did what you thought was best for us but we feel that you should've consulted us before you took away our memories and our lives...'_

Mr Granger had trailed off and Ron had felt the first stirrings of unease as the uncomfortable pause had lengthened.

 _'The dentist practice back in England is gone and we've built a new life for ourselves here, Hermione. I know you want things to go back to the way they were but it really isn't fair for you to expect us to uproot our lives once again. We have decided that we want to stay in Australia.'_

Usually Ron was the slowest to grasp a situation but Hermione had seemed very confused by her father's words and had stared blankly at him until her mother had broken the silence.

' _You are welcome to stay here with us of course.'_

At least they had parted company on good terms, Ron thought bitterly as he stroked Hermione's back in small rhythmical circles. It was just going to be horrible for Hermione to come to terms with the fact that her parents had refused to return to England with her.

When Hermione seemed slightly calmer, Ron risked leaving her alone on the sofa and crossed over to the kettle to make them both a cup of tea.

'You'll be able to come out to see them as often as you want. The ban on international portkeys has been lifted. You can come over once a week if you want to.' He handed Hermione one of the mugs and sank down next to her again.

'Thanks Ron,' Hermione gave a huge sniff and wiped at her eyes with the sleeve of her jumper. 'It's just horrible knowing that I took away their lives. They had careers, they had friends and now…' She trailed off, her eyes still swimming with tears.

'You had no choice Hermione. If Bellatrix hadn't found them then V-,' he stuttered to a halt before trying again. '-Voldemort would have done. You had to protect them. It's hard for them to understand because your father sees himself as your protector but you're a witch Hermione and he's a muggle. They have no idea what they were up against last year.' He glanced surreptitiously at his watch, fully aware that they had less than half an hour before their portkey was due to depart. If they missed it then it would take at least three days to organise another. 'They have friends here now and they've both started new careers. You said that your dad's always loved baking but never had time for it and…'

'And Mum? Since when does she enjoy yoga? She never even set foot in a gym before she came here.' Hermione got to her feet suddenly and used her wand to banish her empty mug and Ron's half full one over to the sink where they rinsed themselves under the tap before standing upside down on the draining board.

'Hey, I was…' Ron bit back the words and got to his feet too, because he knew it was time to leave. He reached down with one hand to pick up their suitcases which had been bewitched to be feather-light. 'They're happy here. I know it's not what we expected but it could…' He trailed off and turned away. He had been about to say that it could be a lot worse, that Hermione was lucky to have come through the war with her family intact. He took a deep, steadying breath and blinked rapidly to disperse the moisture that had risen in his eyes.

'Let's go home Ron.' He felt Hermione's hand in his and turned to see her face, inches from his own.

'Yes, let's go home.' He leaned in and kissed her.

* * *

Tansy's POV

Tansy was sitting on a rolled-up towel on the shingle at the top of the little cove, looking out at the black headed gulls that skimmed over the water. Her arms felt empty without the baby but, for the past two weeks, Minerva McGonagall had insisted that Tansy take an hour or so for herself every day. Although Tansy didn't ever stray far from the small cottage, she had started to look forward to the time spent alone on the tiny shingle beach. Today, the sun seemed to be fighting a losing battle against the cobwebbed sky. Intermittent shafts of bright light made it through the canopy of clouds to reflect off the surface of the calm sea but, for the most part, the water was steel grey and it looked cold and unforgiving. Tansy shivered and drew her cloak more tightly around her; it was not a question of _if_ it would rain before the end of the afternoon only _when_.

'Tansy!' Tansy turned round to see Minerva McGonagall beckoning to her from the open back door. 'Madam Pomfrey has called by to see you.' Tansy sighed inwardly but got to her feet. After one last glance at the steely water she walked through the narrow cleft between the boulders and across the overgrown garden, steering well clear of the snargaluff stump. When she reached the back door, she allowed her adoptive mother to give her a hug. Inside the tiny living room, she could see Madam Pomfrey waving her wand over baby Hope.

'So Madam, another two ounces since I last measured you.' The baby squirmed under the wand tip and then let out a muffled noise of discontent. 'And you just left me a present in your nappy I see.' Tansy found herself smiling as the matron scooped up the baby with one arm and turned towards her. The baby wriggled again and then started crying properly.

'Ah Miss Laverstock, you are looking so much better. I'll just change this one and then we can have a chat.'

'I'll change her. Third time she's filled her nappy in the last hour.' Professor McGonagall stepped forwards, her arms outstretched.

'Well she's got a lot of growing to do.' The matron smiled as she handed over the baby.

Tansy reached out to touch her daughter's downy head as the baby was handed between the two older witches. For half a heartbeat she resented their easy banter. She wanted her daughter to hear _her voice_.

'And you've put on a few ounces too.' The matron was waving her wand over Tansy as she spoke. Tansy glanced down at her body and tried not to grimace; she'd always been thin and now, although her jeans hung loose around her skeletal legs and her arms were like sticks, her stomach still ballooned under the hoodie she'd borrowed from Harry. She felt so uncomfortable in her own skin. Her body didn't feel like her own any more.

'Your body will go back to the way it was, Miss Laverstock. Don't forget that you carried a life inside you for over six months. What your body achieved was amazing especially as you were so unwell.' Like Professor McGonagall, Madam Pomfrey had always been able to tell how Tansy felt without the girl needing to open her mouth.

 _It's what I wanted. It's what I chose. I chose to give her life even if it meant that I had to die._ Tansy felt herself blushing as she realised that she actually felt slightly proud of herself for finally making the right choice.

 _It wasn't such an admirable gesture._ _I wanted to die. I craved death._ The thought was sobering and confusing because right now Tansy couldn't work out how she felt; there was still a large part of her that craved the easy way out and the end of the pain and the horrified confusion of waking up to a world where she had to accept the dreadful things she had done and the equally dreadful things that had been done to her. But, at the same time, she knew that she was stronger now; before the blood magic ritual, she'd been tortured and abused almost to insanity by Voldemort and her mother and there had been no other way out that she could see. Now, it was no longer just about how she felt and what she wanted because she had a daughter to consider. Tansy knew she wasn't the best mother in the world but she also knew that she wanted to do the best job that she could.

'… and the baby bump is already a lot smaller than it was. Give it another month or two.' The matron was still speaking and Tansy dragged herself out of her thoughts with some difficulty.

'So, how are you feeling?' Tansy tried to meet the matron's eyes but it was difficult.

 _Why do you all still talk to me as if you are expecting me to answer?_ Instead, Tansy shrugged and looked down at her hands.

 _I feel as though I'm crossing a bridge of spun glass over a bottomless chasm. One false step and the glass will shatter and I will fall and Hope will be left without a mother._

'It's obvious to me that you are extremely traumatised and you are still hurting deeply.' Tansy looked up sharply at the matron's words.

'You feel as though you are still fighting only this time the war is going on inside your head and you are fighting it alone. I haven't asked this before, Tansy and I'm sorry to ask now but I want you to stay safe. Do you feel like you did at the start of your fifth year? Do you feel like you are going to hurt yourself? Are you feeling suicidal?' Tansy gasped quietly, sure that the matron had been reading her mind, and shook her head quickly but Madam Pomfrey clearly didn't believe her.

 _I won't leave my baby again. Not if I can help it._ Tansy was fully aware that she wasn't always in control of her own mental health. She felt her eyes filling with tears at the thought of Hope growing up without a mother.

The silence stretched uncomfortably and Tansy found herself dropping her eyes again.

'Is the sleeping potion still working?' Tansy looked up and shrugged again, then she shook her head.

'What do you mean Tansy?' Professor McGonagall had returned. She crossed the room with swift steps and gently placed the baby back on the sofa, carefully covering her with a red knitted blanket that Mrs Weasley had sent over the previous day with Harry when he had visited. Tansy crossed over to the sofa and lifted the baby into her arms, immediately feeling less panicked with the damp, solid weight of Hope against her chest. The baby turned her face into Tansy's shoulder, gave a small contented sigh, and shut her eyes.

'What do you mean?' Minerva McGonagall repeated, placing a hand on Tansy's shoulder. Tansy looked up into her adoptive mother's eyes, almost pleading with her; she wanted very baldly to explain but, at the same time, the thought of speaking made her tremble with fear.

'Write it down, Miss Laverstock.' A pencil and an old parchment envelope were handed to her and Tansy relaxed.

 _I'm afraid that I won't wake up if Hope cries._

Tansy's pencil skidded to a halt. Minerva McGonagall sighed as if she was disappointed.

'Does this mean that you haven't been taking it?' Tansy shook her head and picked up the pencil again.

 _I take a mouthful but only enough to send me to sleep._

'So, you've been getting how much sleep before the nightmares wake you up? One, two hours maximum?' Madam Pomfrey asked, shaking her head. Tansy held up two fingers but then pointed to the baby in her arms, indicating that after two hours or so, Hope generally needed seeing to anyway. Professor McGonagall always got up to help and she had offered to have Hope in her room so that Tansy could catch up on sleep but Tansy hated the idea of being away from her baby.

'Miss Laverstock, look at me. Will you believe me when I tell you that you will always wake up when your baby cries?' Madam Pomfrey said, still shaking her head in apparent annoyance at Tansy's disobedience. 'You will never get well again if you aren't getting enough sleep.' Tansy looked at her levelly and then picked up the pencil again. Her hand hesitated over the parchment as if she was thinking what to write.

 _You've lied to me before._

The two other women looked at each other and then Professor McGonagall sighed and stepped forwards. She opened her mouth to speak but Madam Pomfrey got there first.

'Tansy, I promise that I am not lying to you. You will hear Hope crying if she needs her mother. She won't let you sleep through her cries.' Tansy recoiled slightly as the school matron used her first name for the first time. 'You will always know. A mother will _always_ wake up when her child needs her.' The matron said firmly, leaning forward and tickling the sleeping baby on her cheek.

The afternoon passed slowly; after the matron had left, Hope was irritable and unsettled and Tansy found herself near to tears as she struggled to work out how to make her comfortable; she just felt so unbelievably exhausted and out of her depth. Professor McGonagall tried to help but, having had no children of her own, she was almost as clueless as Tansy. Hope seemed happiest when Tansy lay on her bed and she could lie across her stomach with her head snuggled between Tansy's breasts. Finally, after several hours of grizzling, the baby dropped into a fitful sleep but without the sleeping potion, Tansy found it impossible to follow her. She was so tired she couldn't summon the energy to get up again and simply lay on the bed staring up at the dusty ceiling in a stupor.

She heard the crack of apparition and wondered idly who had arrived, not caring enough to get up and look out of the window to find out. Then, hearing Remus's voice and his footsteps on the stairs, she quickly closed her eyes and pretended to be asleep. The bedroom door creaked open and Tansy tried to mimic the peaceful, rhythmical breathing of someone who is fast asleep. Remus didn't venture any further into the room but it seemed an indefinite amount of time before he backed out again, pulling the door shut behind him.

'They're both asleep.' He spoke in a low voice, and Tansy realised that Minerva McGonagall must be on the landing behind him.

'That's a blessing I suppose but she's bound to have a nightmare soon. She hasn't been taking her sleeping potion, Remus. She told us that she was afraid that she'd sleep through the baby crying.' A faint sigh, like someone muffling a sob. 'Poppy is concerned that she might try and hurt herself again. I don't know how to help her.' Their footsteps receded away down the stairs and their voices grew fainter.

'We can only show her that we are all here for her.' Remus's voice strengthened suddenly as if he'd forgotten that they were trying to be quiet. 'Minerva, Tansy _knows_ we're here for her. I just wish she would let us help her when she needs it most. Her mutism has been so much a part of her life for so long that I doubt she will ever be completely free of it. I've spoken to…' The living room door swung shut with a click and Tansy heard no more.

Her mind was spinning faster than it had for some time as she fought with herself. Of course, they would all turn away from her as soon as they found out the truth about what she had done to George Weasley at the manor. Simultaneously, she was terrified that she was fighting a losing battle against the darkness inside her; she was scared of just how fast she seemed to be slipping into the fog as she tried to fight it by herself. If she lost the battle then Tansy knew there was a good chance she would try and take her own life and then little Hope would be left without a mother.

 _'Minerva, Tansy knows we're here for her.'_ Remus's words echoed in her mind and she suddenly found herself thinking of a similar conversation with Remus in the Hogwarts hospital wing.

 _'I just… I know that_ _you_ _know that there are people around who will listen to you, whenever and whatever your problem. I just wish that you'd let yourself get our support when you need it most.'_

Tansy felt her heart rate speeding up in her chest as she made up her mind: She could ask for their help to fight the impending darkness and the fog without telling them what she had done to George. They didn't need to know everything that had happened.

Carefully, to avoid jostling the baby, Tansy sat up and swung her legs off the bed. She arranged Hope in a nest of pillows and then picked up a quill. With a shaking hand, Tansy placed the quill point down on the parchment. The words that came to her were the same ones she had thought earlier when the matron had questioned her.

 _I feel as though I'm crossing a bridge of spun glass over a bottomless chasm one false step and the glass will shatter and I will fall I feel as if I'm drowning in darkness I was ready for the end I wanted to die I cast the blood magic ritual sacrificed my own life while carrying another and I betrayed Hope I was ready to die given a choice I came back so she could live I woke up she is alive but now I don't know how to live again I don't know if I want to live_

 _The war is over but I feel as though I'm still fighting_

The quill skidded to a halt and Tansy stared at the almost illegible handwriting that scrawled across the page. Reading it back made her heart skip and, recognising the impending panic attack she stopped trying. She took a deep, steadying breath and got shakily to her feet; if she could make it downstairs then Minerva McGonagall and Remus would help her.

* * *

Hi everyone, one of my new year's resolutions is to finish this story so I hope to be back more regularly from now on! Thanks for your patience and support.


	5. Chapter 5

**Warning - more of the same.**

* * *

Minerva McGonagall's POV

Minerva dropped her face into her hands and allowed herself, just for one second, to show weakness; she felt utterly drained and exhausted. It wasn't just the lack of sleep from the new born baby, but also her constant worry about Tansy. She found herself checking on the girl every ten minutes, just to make sure she hadn't hurt herself in any way. Even at night, when the baby was asleep, she wasn't sleeping properly; every twenty minutes or so she would jerk awake, sure that something terrible had happened.

'Here, Minerva, drink this.' Remus pushed a cup into her hand and Minerva smelt the tang of Firewhisky and shook her head, even as every fibre of her mind reached out to the contents of the cup.

'I can't drink, Remus; I have to look after Tansy and the baby.'

'One won't hurt.' Remus pressed more firmly and Minerva felt her resolve wavering. She took a shaky sip, feeling the burn as it travelled down her throat and into her stomach. Of course, the analytical part of her mind was telling her how bad it was that she was turning to alcohol to help her to cope with the stress in her life.

'How are you coping?' Remus always asked the hard questions.

'I…' For half a heartbeat, Minerva tried to put on a brave face but then she gave up and told the truth. 'I honestly don't know Remus, I'm so tired…' Her voice cracked and she trailed off before starting again with new vigour. 'Tansy's slightly better than she was. Physically her body is healing itself but mentally…' She trailed off and took another long sip of her drink. 'There's so much fear and pain in her eyes, Remus. I'm terrified all the time that she will try to hurt herself. We're only guessing what V-Voldermort and the Death Eaters put her through…'

'Well she was clearly tortured and sexually assaulted on more than one occasion,' Remus said bluntly, draining his glass and pouring himself another. 'She was ready to sacrifice herself for us. She tried to kill herself, Minerva. It was that bad that she couldn't see any other way out.' Minerva stifled a small sob.

'She sacrificed herself to keep her friends alive. I just don't think that she expected to be alive at the end of it. Perhaps she didn't even _want_ to be alive at the end of it… It must seem so confusing, Remus; she's alive but she's a mother and she has a baby by that…' She couldn't bring herself to call him by any humane term. '…thing, so how is she supposed to move on and live a proper life? She will always look into Hope's face and see her abuser.'

'Do we know for sure that the baby is Malfoy's?' Remus asked, grimacing into his Firewhisky.

'None of the Death Eaters awaiting trial have told us anything about what went on at Malfoy Manor. Draco Malfoy informed Kingsley that his father had sexually assaulted Tansy on numerous occasions but he didn't know if anyone else had too. He was at Hogwarts for most of the time she was held captive in the manor.' Minerva shuddered and then downed the rest of the contents of her glass. 'Kingsley thinks he's hiding something but he's not sure what.'

'So why did he sign the release papers?' Remus's mouth pulled down; Draco Malfoy had been released from custody a mere week after the battle of Hogwarts. Remus, clearly was under the impression that there had been an oversight of some sort.

'It's clear that Draco Malfoy wasn't given a lot of choice, Remus. His parents were big supporters of V-Voldemort and I suppose his involvement became the collateral damage of that. He was forced to help the Death Eaters. Voldemort would've killed him if he'd refused. I know he was tortured on more than one occasion.' Minerva wasn't quite sure why she was standing up for Draco Malfoy but the words came nonetheless. In the past eight months or so, in fact, ever since he'd delivered Tansy's message to her, she'd started feeling a great deal of pity for the young wizard who'd been led so far astray from such a young age.

'He said that he tried to help Tansy and the other prisoners when he was home during the school holidays. Bellatrix Lestrange caught him sneaking food into Tansy's cell and cast the Cruciatus curse on him.' She shuddered again and looked down into her empty glass, wishing it were full. 'We mustn't forget that there are all sorts of victims, Remus. The boy's heart found the right path eventually.'

'I suppose that he'll be returning to Hogwarts next week then? Or has Shacklebolt…?'

The door clicked and then creaked open and both Minerva and Remus looked up to see Tansy standing in the doorway. Minerva was suddenly struck by how young and vulnerable the girl looked; the old hoodie she wore did nothing to disguise how much weight she had lost and her eyes were huge and scared in her pinched face. They could see that she was trembling so much that she visibly shook and she held her arm awkwardly behind her back. She looked like she was on the verge of falling apart at the seams and horrible images immediately flocked to the forefront of Minerva's mind. She recalled Severus Snape kneeling over the unconscious girl in the darkness of the forbidden forest with his wand pointed to her chest as he tried to restart her heart. She remembered the deep self-inflicted wounds on the girl's forearms.

'Tansy, what's wrong?' They were both out of their chairs in an instant. Minerva pulled the girl towards the sofa and pushed her into a sitting position. Remus, clearly thinking along the same lines, gently extended Tansy's arm towards him and rolled back the sleeve. They both exhaled with relief and their eyes met across the top of the young witch's head. Remus, clearly not satisfied reached for the other arm and checked that one too. Only then did he visibly relax. Minerva looked down at Tansy's hands and saw that she was holding something tightly in her clenched fist.

'Tansy, what are you holding?' Remus asked. The girl looked at him blankly and then slowly opened her fist to reveal a crumpled piece of parchment. Still with a hand on her arm, Remus took it from her and spread it out so that both he and Minerva could see it. Minerva stared down at the parchment, unable at first to understand the scrawled, unpunctuated paragraph. Then understanding dawned and she gasped.

 _I feel as though I'm crossing a bridge of spun glass over a bottomless chasm one false step and the glass will shatter and I will fall I feel as if I'm drowning in darkness I was ready for the end I wanted to die I cast the blood magic ritual sacrificed my own life while carrying another and I betrayed Hope I was ready to die given a choice I came back so she could live I woke up she is alive but now I don't know how to live again I don't know if I want to live_

 _The war is over but I feel as though I'm still fighting_

Minerva blanched as she finished reading her daughter's plea for help.

'It's okay Tansy, we're here sweetheart.' Remus immediately wrapped his arms around the shaking girl. It only took a few seconds before she melted into his embrace and started to sob as if her heart was breaking. 'You aren't fighting this alone. We will both help you to get through this.'

Minerva McGonagall slid off the sofa and dropped to her knees, ignoring the creak and protest of her knee joints as she did so. She took the young witch's shaking hands in her own and looked her straight in the eyes.

'Tansy, thank you for trusting us. I'm proud of you for asking for our help.' She paused; Tansy was avoiding her eyes but Minerva knew that her words had hit home. 'Do you remember the start of fifth year when you tried to take your own life?' Minerva tried to stop her face from betraying the pain of the memory. 'Do you remember, you spoke to me in the hospital wing after Professor Snape had saved you?' Tansy looked up suddenly, her face a mask of tears. She stared at her adoptive mother for several long seconds and then nodded, the confusion evident on her face.

'Do you remember that it helped? Talking about what had happened to you helped you to accept it and move on. Together we beat the darkness and the fog and you started to get better.' Minerva's eyes didn't leave Tansy's stricken face but she felt Remus tense beside her, almost as if he was holding his breath. There was a long silence, broken only by Tansy's hitched breathing as she struggled against the sobs that still racked through her body.

'I can't fight it on my own.' The words were jerky and barely audible and both Minerva and Remus had to lean in to hear them, but they were there. 'I'm not strong enough. It hurts too much. I just want it to end.' Minerva suddenly found herself blinking back tears of joy at the sound of Tansy's voice; the voice she had resigned herself never to hear again. She blinked rapidly to disperse the moisture that had collected in her eyes.

'Tansy, you don't have to fight it on your own any longer. We're here with you.' Remus looked at Minerva and she caught the gleam of hope in his eyes.

'Tansy, why do you think that you betrayed Hope?' Minerva looked down at the scrawled letters on the parchment envelope and winced. 'You were forced to…'

'Because I did betray her!' Tansy was suddenly on her feet, her hands grasping wildly at her face and hair in her distress. 'I knew that I was pregnant! I knew that we would both die if I cast the blood magic ritual. But I didn't care! I wanted to die! I wanted it to end! I still want to die!' Remus had jumped to his feet too when Tansy had stood up and now, he gently but firmly removed her hands from her face and restrained them so she wouldn't do herself any damage in her distress. Minerva saw the red streak of a scratch down the girl's face and felt her heart sink. Tansy was shaking so hard that it was a miracle she hadn't fallen over yet.

Still restraining Tansy's arms to prevent her from hurting herself, Remus pushed her gently back down onto the sofa and knelt down in front of her. Minerva got up as quickly as her old joints would allow and took the seat next to her. The fact that they had progressed so far in such a short amount of time astounded her; normally it took hours of coaxing and questioning to get Tansy to open up about anything.

'Tell us about the blood magic ritual Tansy.' Still sobbing uncontrollably, Tansy stared between Remus and Minerva for several long seconds. Then, slowly at first and then faster and faster because the words seemed to have a mind of their own, she started to speak. She told them about finding Merlin's cave in the secluded Welsh valley and what she'd learned from the book of blood magic – the sacrifice she knew that she would have to make if she wanted to help her friends in the coming war. Then she jumped ahead and, tears still pouring down her cheeks, told them how Voldemort had found out about the prophecy and then tortured her until she'd promised to cast the blood magic ritual for his benefit. How he'd invaded her mind with Legilimency to ensure she wasn't lying. Tansy's voice stuttered to a halt and she appeared, if possible, to go even whiter.

'Go on sweetheart; you're doing so well.' Remus encouraged. Minerva conjured the girl a blanket because she was still trembling violently and wrapped it around her shoulders. Tansy seemed to draw strength from Minerva's hand on her shoulder and leaned in against her.

'There was nothing left to hide.' Tansy's voice was almost inaudible. 'I didn't pretend to agree to help him. I… I was going to cast the blood magic ritual for him. I knew it was the right thing to do.'

'But you didn't, Tansy. You cast it for us, you cast it to protect your friends.' Minerva interjected quietly.

'That night on the castle lawn, I'd forgotten everything. I couldn't recognise anybody… all that mattered was that I could cast the spell to help Voldemort win the war. And then I would be free and the pain would stop.' Tansy jerked her arm free from Remus and used it to slap the side of her head suddenly.

'Tansy, you don't need to do that!' Remus regained control of Tansy's arms and gently folded them into her lap once more. 'You'd been tortured almost to the point of insanity love. It's no wonder you didn't recognise any of us.'

'My mind wasn't my own! I let him take it, like he'd taken everything else! I didn't even know my own name.' Tansy shuddered. 'They called me Cassiopeia. That's who I thought I was!'

'Tansy, you weren't in your right mind; you'd been tortured so badly that it's a miracle you had any sort of coherent thought left.' Minerva said softly.

'I came so close…' Tansy shuddered horribly and looked pleadingly between Minerva and Remus, almost as if she was expecting a negative response.

'But then you saw your friends?' Minerva said, phrasing it like a question. She remembered the bright, bittersweet smile that had lit up her daughter's face as she saw Harry, Ron and Hermione running across the castle lawn towards her.

'I saw them and I remembered who I was. I knew what I had to do to help them but... but I wasn't afraid, Professor. I just wanted it all to be over. I…' Tansy glanced down at her swollen stomach and her eyes flashed suddenly and her voice rose. 'I didn't care enough about Hope to stop! I'd promised to protect her but I tried to hurt her instead!'

'Tansy, you can't blame yourself. You were under unimaginable…' Remus began but Tansy was talking once more. She told them about the strange, slightly surreal conversation with Sirius in the Transfiguration classroom and the choice she'd been given.

'But I didn't want to live anymore.' Tansy looked at them beseechingly. 'I just wanted to give Hope a chance. I thought she would live but I would die and I was okay with that. She deserves to have chance at life...'

'Tansy, you deserve to have a chance at life too.' Remus interrupted softly, but Tansy continued speaking.

'…and now she's here and she's okay and I'm here too and… and I don't think I can fight anymore. Life is too hard…' Tansy looked between them, appearing to take strength from them. Minerva saw a resolve in her eyes that hadn't been there before, almost as if the girl had decided to tell them the whole truth. 'But if the darkness and the fog win then I'm scared I'll leave Hope without a mother. But I don't know what I'm doing as a mother anyway so she might be better off…'

'Tansy, stop right there.' Minerva said, her voice stern and clipped. 'There is no way on this earth that your baby will be better off without you.'

'And nobody knows what they're doing when they have their first baby,' Remus put in. He chuckled dryly. 'Merlin, the amount of times both Dora and I have been near to tears when Teddy is having a crying fit at three o'clock in the morning and we've no idea what the matter is and we're just too exhausted to brainstorm any more.'

'We are all going to help you, Tansy. None of us will be perfect at the start but we'll do the best job we can.' Minerva said resolutely. Tansy looked between them and her face closed and Minerva knew instinctively that this was the end of their conversation; they would get no more from the girl tonight. Although she'd already told Tansy how proud she was of her, Minerva knew that she had to say it again.

'Tansy, you've done brilliantly tonight. Thank you for trusting us. We're both very proud of you.'

Remus released Tansy's hands and stood up.

'I'm going to make us all a cup of hot chocolate and then you're going to take your sleeping potion, Tansy. No arguments.'

They were both quite surprised by the lack of resistance from the young witch on the sofa between them; she drank her hot chocolate, which Minerva knew was secretly laced with a calming draft, and then, under the watchful gaze of the two adults, she took a full dose of the sleeping potion. Two minutes later, her head nodded forwards and Remus gently pushed her into a sleeping position and covered her with several layers of blankets. Minerva bent to kiss her daughter's forehead and then, with creaking knees she got to her feet intending to go upstairs to check on the baby. Her eyes met Remus's over the top of the sleeping girl and she smiled tightly.

'We got there eventually,' she said, sighing quietly.

'We got there.' He repeated, returning her tight smile.

* * *

So thank you for my reviews, particularly to zikashigaku who inspired me to write this chapter!


	6. Chapter 6

Harry's POV

'Expelliarmus!' Harry roared, pointing his wand at the training dummy. The dummy expertly flattened itself onto the floor and the spell flew harmlessly over its head and rebounded off the wall behind it. Harry ducked, just in time, as the blast of red light flew over his head. The smell of singed hair filled the air.

'Stupefy!' This time he caught the dummy full in the face as it tried to rise and it fell back to the floor with a satisfying clunk. Harry wiped his sweaty fringe out of his eyes, feeling rather pleased with himself; this was the first time he'd fought one of the Ministry's top-of-the-range Auror training dummies and he'd thought that he'd done a pretty good job of it.

'Good, but haven't you forgotten something?' Harry turned at the familiar voice and his heart jumped into his throat at the sight of the five further training dummies that had lined up silently behind him whilst he'd been fighting the first. Five fake wands pointed at his throat. Five Death Eater masks leered at him.

'Never leave your back exposed.' The amused voice continued. Harry looked beyond the dummies and saw Tonks standing by the open doorway. Four-month-old Teddy was asleep in her arms, his hair the exact same bubble-gum pink as his mother's.

'Hey Tonks!' Harry smiled at her, before flicking his wand at the dummies. They turned with one accord and trundled obediently over to a nearby store cupboard where they lined themselves up neatly. He then flicked his wand at the one he'd stunned and it righted itself smoothly and wheeled itself over to its friends. With a further flick of his wand, Harry closed the cupboard door and then turned back to Tonks.

'What are you doing here? I thought you were still on maternity leave?'

'I brought Teds in to show him off to everyone,' Tonks said proudly, bouncing the sleeping baby up and down a little too vigorously. Teddy gave a sleepy moan of protest and she stopped abruptly. 'Oops, sorry Munchkin! Anyway, Kingsley said that you were using the training room and gym this afternoon so I thought I'd dig you out. We're both late…' She consulted her wristwatch, almost dropping Teddy in the process. '…we were supposed to be at the Burrow ten minutes ago.'

'Oh, I forgot about that!' Harry glanced worriedly at his own watch; Mrs Weasley had planned a final get together that evening before the students went back to school the following morning. Things were definitely still far from normal at the Burrow these days, but since Tansy had woken up, Harry had noticed a definite change in Mrs Weasley's demeanor; she still looked pale and tired and she was constantly close to tears but some of the old spark had returned to her eyes and she was making more of an effort to get on with life again.

Harry and Tonks left the Auror headquarters together and got into the noisy lift down to the Atrium. It was fairly crowded with Ministry workers, all heading home after a long day at work, and Harry pulled the hood of his jumper up over his distinctive features, flattened his fringe over his scar and unearthed a large Daily Prophet from his pocket which he spread out in front of his face as he pretended to study the evening headlines.

'Oh, is it…?' A bespectacled middle-aged witch, wearing flowing purple robes with an embroidered 'M' on the shoulder, flattened the paper so that she could see the person hiding behind it. Harry scowled at her and reached up to flatten his fringe again but it was too late. 'It is! Look everyone it's…'

'Oh! Oh no!' Tonks staggered sideways into the witch and proceeded to drop Teddy's nappy bag on the woman's foot. Baby things spilled out all over the floor. A bottle of formula hit the ground with a clunk; the top snapped off, and a wave of baby milk erupted over Harry's left shoe. He wrinkled his nose at the distinctive slightly sour, soapy smell of it.

'Oh, I'm sorry Miss Trepintog! I'm even more clumsy than usual what with all the sleepless nights.' Tonks gave Harry an enormous wink, plonked the still-sleeping Teddy into the other witch's arms and dropped to her knees to pick up the contents of her bag. The other occupants of the carriage were already bending down to help. One elderly wizard used his wand and cleaned the milk off the floor but said regretfully that he was unable to return it to the bottle for fear of contamination.

They finally arrived in the Atrium and the baby was passed back to Tonks as she thanked people loudly for their help, still putting on a big show until everyone had walked away towards the fireplaces. Then she turned to Harry and grinned, taking a small and slightly mocking bow.

'Thanks!' Harry grinned back. 'I've just about had enough of being the centre of attention.' He felt the smile slip off his face. 'I think I'm holding on to the vain hope that people will forget if I leave it long enough.'

'Unlikely,' Tonks said, shaking her head. Then she changed the subject. 'Anyway, I didn't realise you were using the gym here, how did that happen?' She asked, turning to look at Harry as they both got out of the lift. In so doing, she tripped over one of her own feet and nearly wiped her son out on the lift door. With quick reflexes, Harry reached out automatically to shield the baby's head.

'Maybe I should carry Teddy?' He asked, worried that his godson wouldn't make it to his first birthday without a huge dent in his head.

'Oops, nah he's okay aren't you Munchkin?' Tonks bounced the baby vigorously for a second time and he opened his eyes and yawned sleepily.

'Hey Teds! Woken up at last I see. Can I give him a cuddle now?' Harry extended his arms to the baby and was pleased when Tonks handed him over. He bounced him gently, marvelling at how big and solid he felt after Tansy's tiny daughter.

A faint frown appeared between Teddy's eyes as he focused on Harry's face. Then, slowly, one of his eyes turned from brown to a vivid green and his hair turned jet black. Harry smiled down at him in delight before handing him back to his mum; despite offering to carry him earlier, babies _really_ weren't his area of expertise.

'So how long have you been coming here?' Tonks asked again, as they walked round the roped-off empty area in the centre of the Atrium where Voldemort's _Magic is Might_ statue had once stood. Harry had heard that they intended to replace it with a statue of himself and Tansy. He hoped fervently that that particular rumour would never actually come to pass.

'Oh, this is the first time,' Harry said, 'Kingsley saw me practicing in the orchard at the Burrow and said I was always welcome to come and work out here instead. I think he was a little concerned that I would kill all of the fruit trees.' He chuckled dryly, remembering the long scorch mark he'd left in the trunk of a particularly gnarly apple tree.

'A taste of what's to come next summer.' Tonks said and, looking over at her, Harry saw her eyes sparkling with mischief. 'I know that it hasn't been officially announced but I heard about the unconditional offer. Huge congratulations by the way!'

Several months ago, Harry had been given an unconditional offer to begin Auror training at the Ministry of Magic. Then, the new Educational Decree had been released, which had rather scuppered his plans to begin the training immediately; he now had to return to Hogwarts to finish his education.

'Yeah, it'll be a bit weird going back to school tomorrow now. I mean, it'll be nice to go back to normal I suppose but what's the point of studying for NEWTs when I could be learning stuff here?' The old annoyance grumbled disconsolately in the background along with a faint thrill of panic; how were they supposed to go back to 'normal' after everything that they'd been through last year? What was their normal now that the war was over and Voldemort was dead?

'And back to school rules too, eh?' Tonks said sympathetically as they took their places in one of the short queues of ministry employees that were lining up in front of the departure fireplaces.

'Apparently we'll be granted some privileges after school hours and at weekends.' Harry was sure that even with these 'privileges' in place, he was still going to find school life extremely confining after a year on the run.

He looked over Tonks's shoulder towards the fireplace and grinned sardonically to himself as he remembered the quartets' heroic Ministry break in almost exactly a year ago. Even now, some of the stringent anti-intruder policies put in place during Voldemort's reign of terror were still in use. Harry didn't know whether they were still there because nobody had found the time to remove them or if Kingsley and his new cabinet had decided they might continue to be useful. They were, after all, pretty fool proof but not totally so.

'I'll see you at the Burrow.' Tonks grabbed a handful of Floo powder with one hand, secured Teddy in the crook of her other arm and then stepped into the fireplace, disappearing immediately with a roar and a flash of electric green flame. Harry gave her a ten-second head start and then followed, tucking his elbows in securely as he roared through the Floo. As soon as he arrived in a cubicle of the public toilet above, he turned on his heal and stepped into the familiar void of disapperation.

He entered the Burrow approximately ten seconds later by the kitchen door and found the room bustling with people; the entire Weasley family, Hermione, Remus and Tonks were all in attendance. People were milling around, holding plates loaded with food from the hot buffet that Mrs Weasley had clearly spent all afternoon preparing. Harry apologised for his lateness to Mrs Weasley as he passed her and then immediately crossed the room to where Ginny sat with Hermione and Ron. It felt natural and amazingly good to bend down and kiss her on the lips. He didn't even mind the audience.

'Whooooo, PDA!' Harry disentangled himself from Ginny and grinned at Ron.

'Go and get yourself some food, Harry,' Hermione said, smirking slightly. Harry looked down pointedly to where her hand was clasped in Ron's between their chairs but didn't say anything. Unwilling to let go of Ginny so soon, he pulled her up from the chair and, ignoring her mild protests, dragged her over to the buffet table with him. He loaded his plate with a selection of everything within reach and then retreated with Ginny to a quietish corner.

'So tonight?' He asked, sotto voce, enjoying the way that she immediately blushed crimson at his question. He moved his features into what he hoped resembled a totally innocent expression.

'Not here!' She whispered furiously back, turning away from him. Harry grinned at her and shoved a cheese and onion pasty into his mouth. 'Ron's going to sneak downstairs and I'll come up to you.' Ginny said, out of the corner of her mouth as she passed him, on her way back over to her brother and Hermione.

'Attention all!' There was a clinking sound and Harry looked over to the other side of the room and saw that Remus was standing on a chair, tapping his wand against a half full glass of something bubbly. 'That was an absolutely fabulous buffet Molly, thanks so much.' There were noises of appreciation from everyone around the room. Harry nodded enthusiastically; his mouth still too full of pasty to join in.

'Anyway…' Remus stopped, presumably for dramatic effect.

'Dadada DA!' Teddy said loudly, taking advantage of the silence, and then clapped his hands together, looking thrilled at his own cleverness. Everyone laughed and Remus looked down indulgently at his son. Then he looked up again and cleared his throat.

'Anyway, I also have a little announcement to make!' Remus smiled around at everyone, looking thoroughly happy about something. Harry felt his stomach twist in anticipation.

'Get on with it!' Bill catcalled from over by the kitchen window. 'I can't stand the suspense!' He gave Remus a huge wink, letting everyone in the room know that he was already in on the secret.

'Tomorrow I will be returning to Hogwarts as the new Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor and head of Gryffindor house!' Remus announced loudly. A storm of cheering drowned out the end of his sentence.

'We should've known!' Ron roared over the noise. Harry sprinted across the room to shake Remus's hand as he got off the chair.

'That's great news, Remus! You were one of our best Defence teachers.' He pumped the other man's hand vigorously up and down.

'Well I don't know how much I'll be able to teach you, Harry, but I'll do my best. I…' His words were drowned out by another loud tapping. Harry looked up and saw that Bill was now standing on the chair. Slowly the hubbub in the room died away as people fell silent waiting for Bill to speak.

'Remus, you were supposed to announce me!' Bill said, in mock annoyance. He paused, letting the drama build up before continuing. 'I will also be coming to teach at Hogwarts this year as your new Professor of Ancient Runes.' Another loud burst of cheering reverberated round the kitchen.

'And I will also be joining to teach ze Transfiguration classes for ze lower school.' Fleur said stepping forwards gracefully. Harry looked over at Ginny's stunned face and smiled to himself. He intended to go over to Bill to congratulate him but, as the other wizard got off the chair, Fleur had pulled his face down into a long kiss, seemingly oblivious of the watching crowd. Harry decided to congratulate him later.

'I wonder what kind of teacher Flem will make?' Ginny said, sidling back to Harry and sliding her hand into his. There was no malice in her voice and he could tell that she used Fleur's old nickname more out of habit than any real malevolence.

'Well, I suppose we won't find out because we still have Professor McGonagall.' Hermione said, appearing at Harry's elbow. 'Now she's headmistress, she won't have time to teach the lower school anymore but she's such a good teacher I'm glad she hasn't stopped altogether.'

'And I suppose Snape has gone back to teaching Potions,' Ron said moodily, appearing behind Hermione, carrying another full plate of buffet food. 'I hope he'll let me back in with my lowly E. I mean I've done half of the NEWT course so…' He trailed off and stuffed a sandwich into his mouth.

'I think he'll have to,' Hermione said, stealing a mini quiche off Ron's plate.

'That's good news all round,' Mrs Weasley said tearfully, wiping her eyes on her apron as she bustled over to the four returning students. 'I went to visit Minerva and Tansy today…' She was interrupted before she could say anything further.

'How's Tansy?' Ron asked, through his mouthful.

'Don't talk with your mouthful, Ronald!' His mother snapped, reprimanding him as though he were a child of two rather than a fully-grown wizard. 'And Tansy is actually improving although, as you know, it's going to take her time.' A look of pain fleetingly crossed her face and Harry felt his heart twinge slightly as he thought of his friend. 'Anyway, I gave her all of her birthday gifts and wished her many happy returns. They were off to Hogwarts this afternoon. You'll see her tomorrow.' Mrs Weasley stopped, appearing to lose the thread of what she was saying. Then she rummaged in her apron pocket and withdrew three parchment envelopes inscribed with green ink, written in Professor McGonagall's familiar hand.

'Ah this one is for Hermione, Ronald, and this one is yours Harry.' She handed them to the correct recipients.

Intrigued, Harry slipped his finger under the flap and yanked open the Hogwarts seal. As he shook the envelope to dislodge the letter inside, a shiny, red Hogwarts Head Boy badge fell out into the palm of his hand. A further shake revealed that his Quidditch captaincy had also been reinstated. Grinning, he looked over to Hermione and Ron; Hermione was looking at her Head Girl badge with excitement but Ron looked totally gobsmacked.

'Minerva wanted you both to have the honour.' Mrs Weasley explained gleefully. 'My little Ronnie! Third Head Boy in the family!' In Ron's open palm lay an identical Head Boy badge to Harry's.

* * *

Thank you for my reviews! They always inspire me to start on the next chapter.


	7. Chapter 7

**Warning - memories of a suicide attempt.**

* * *

Tansy stepped out of the fireplace and into the familiar circular office that had once belonged to Dumbledore. Minerva McGonagall was standing by the huge desk opposite the fireplace, the baby clasped securely in her arms. Tansy crossed the room swiftly, just to make sure that Hope had suffered no ill effects from the Floo network. She was pleased to see that the baby was still sleeping as soundly as she had been when they had left the Scottish cottage.

On closer examination of the office, Tansy saw several changes from when it had belonged to Dumbledore – the tables full of delicate instruments had been cleared away – Tansy could see that they now lined the shelves of several tall filing cabinets along the opposite wall. The door that had once led into Dumbledore's private quarters was also gone and a tall window stood in its place showing a stunning view out over the castle grounds and the lake. The sun was just starting to sink behind the mountains beyond the lake and the sky was streaked with soft pink and orange stripes.

'It's changed quite a bit, hasn't it?' Minerva McGonagall said, beckoning Tansy over to the office door. Tansy dragged her eyes away from the portrait of Dumbledore, snoozing in his gilded frame, and nodded. 'I've been working on it for the last few days with Filius's help. Hogwarts castle is very mouldable you realise, almost like magical clay. You have to encourage it with the right spells and enchantments but if you know the technique then the castle is generally very obliging once it understands the desired outcome. I think you could probably construct a room or a passageway anywhere if you knew the right spells. Whether the castle chooses to remain the way you have spelled it is another matter though…'

Tansy had absolutely no idea what her adoptive mother was talking about. Today, her brain seemed to be submerged in the inky fog once more; her mind felt woolly and it was hard to concentrate on her surroundings. Minerva McGonagall had never made Tansy talk to her when the girl had retreated into her silence. This, however, did not stop her from questioning and encouraging the girl to talk about her problems, a thing that Tansy had always found exhausting. For the past two days, ever since Tansy had opened up to Minerva and Remus, the Professor had been lightly questioning her at regular intervals. However, the anxiety that Tansy was feeling had been too much to cope with, and the girl hadn't been able to say another word, even to Minerva McGonagall.

The office door led, not to the familiar spiral staircase that Tansy had anticipated, but instead to a wide carpeted landing. Another door opposite stood ajar and Tansy could see a small but comfortable living space beyond. A normal, carpeted staircase led down to the exit where the back of the stone gargoyle protruded from the wall.

'To be honest with you, I always found that moving contraption slightly nauseating,' Minerva McGonagall said, sounding slightly sheepish, as she followed Tansy's surprised eyes.

Tansy followed the Professor through the opposite door and into what looked like a small, but well-proportioned two-bedroom flat, with a large living space complete with a kitchenette and sitting area and wide windows showing views out over the lake.

'This one is yours.' Minerva opened the door to the second, larger bedroom. Tansy saw a large four poster bed, with crimson hangings, a large desk and a crib. A built-in cupboard and chest of drawers stood over by the opposite wall. Through the open door into the ensuite she could she a changing table and a baby bath. She gulped, but the words of thanks she so wanted to say to her adoptive mother seemed to get stuck in her throat.

'So, as you know eighth years are required by law to return to Hogwarts to complete the seventh year curriculum. All the school years are being put back a year after the disruption of last year.' Minerva said, laying the baby gently in the crib and then using her wand to open the window so that a gentle breeze could play over her face. 'Because you are all of age we've put some new rules in place and you will be allowed to leave the school grounds in the evenings and at weekends.'

Tansy shrugged, not particularly bothered by this information; she didn't really care about being let out of the school grounds, besides there was nowhere in particular that she wanted to go. She stared out of the window at the glassy surface of the lake, wondering with a faint stirring of panic how she was going to manage her classes and schoolwork with a new born baby in tow. She imagined holding her own ebony wand in her hand and using it to cast a spell; a simple transformation spell, the matchstick to needle transfiguration she'd learned eight years ago. Her fingers curled around the imaginary handle and twitched as she envisaged the wand movement. Her mind stalled as she thought the words to a spell and she immediately began to hyperventilate. Her adoptive mother continued to speak but Tansy couldn't get her ears to cooperate enough to listen to what was being said.

'Tansy?' Minerva seemed to have realised that Tansy wasn't paying attention. With a stupendous effort, Tansy turned to her. She took a deep breath and gave Minerva a brittle smile of reassurance. From the look of concern on her adoptive mother's face she knew that she hadn't been particularly convincing.

'We've added eighth year common rooms for each house and individual bedrooms for all of the returning eighth year students.' Minerva said, looking carefully at Tansy. 'You are more than welcome to stay here instead if you'd rather. That way I will be on hand if Hope needs anything or if you…' Minerva trailed off, leaving an uncomfortable silence of unsaid things.

Tansy rubbed her hands together, twisting her fingers backwards until the pain in her joints helped her to focus.

'Tansy, what's the matter?' Minerva McGonagall pushed the girl onto the four poster and then sat down next to her. Tansy took a deep breath, looking into her adoptive mother's face and felt the panic she'd been fighting all day abating slightly as she realised that Minerva would be there to help her through whatever was coming. 'Can you tell me what you're feeling?'

Tansy bit her lip and opened her mouth; the notion of using words to communicate still terrified her exponentially especially considering everything that she'd said the last time she'd let herself speak; words could be so unpredictable.

'I…' She took a deep breath.

'It's okay, Tansy, take your time.' Tansy felt Minerva taking her hands in her own. The other woman's hands felt so solid and warm that Tansy found herself feeling slightly comforted.

'I just… I'm scared that I won't be able to manage the school work and… and Hope and…' Her voice rose slightly in panic. 'Who's going to look after Hope when I'm in class? She can't be left on her own and I won't leave her with strangers! I…' She trailed off unwilling to continue.

'Hush Tansy, it's okay.' Minerva squeezed Tansy's hands tightly, grounding her to the present. 'Let's just start small. You can attend a few classes here and there and see how they go. The other Professors and I will tutor you by yourself if you find that easier.'

 _I can't bring myself to pick up a wand so how can I do magic in class?_ Instead of voicing this fear, Tansy settled for something else.

'But what about Hope?' Tansy looked over at her sleeping daughter, wondering how such a tiny person could've made such a huge impact in her life already; she could no longer make decisions based solely on what she wanted because Hope would always come first.

'Madam Pomfrey has offered to care for her as long as it doesn't interfere with her duties in the hospital wing. Mrs Weasley has also offered and your friends have too. I know that Miss Granger in particular is really looking forward to it. I think we might have to teach those young men which end the nappy goes on though before we let them loose, don't you?' Tansy nodded, still feeling slightly panicked; the thought of Mrs Weasley looking after Hope was not particularly comforting to her.

Even with the promise of help looking after the baby, she had no idea how she was going to get her brain to work properly again. Most of the time it still felt as though she was drowning in the fog. The rest of the time, panic seemed to be filling every cell of her body until there was no room for anything else.

'Professor…' Tansy bit her lip rather hard. Then she looked into Minerva's face, drawing the courage that she needed to speak her problems out loud. 'I… I don't think that I can do it. The fog in my head seems to have taken over everything. There's no room for lessons or anything else. I just seem to exist. It's… it's like I'm floating.' Her adoptive mother sighed and then looked her straight in the eyes.

'Tansy, what I'm about to say is probably going to sound unfeeling, unsympathetic even.' She said firmly. 'I do believe that returning to some semblance of normality will be the best thing that you can do to help you to get over what happened to you. There is nobody in the castle who won't support you in this. I believe that you can do it. I know that you don't believe that yourself but I hope that you will trust me enough to at least try.'

Tansy looked at the sincerity on her adoptive mother's face and sighed inwardly; she knew she would try. Not because she believed that she would succeed but because Minerva McGonagall believed that she would and Tansy had always trusted her more than she'd trusted anybody else.

* * *

Severus Snape's POV

'Perseverance.' Severus gave the password to the ugly stone gargoyle that guarded the staircase to the headmistress's quarters and it sprang aside at once. It felt strange to climb up the carpeted staircase beyond after so many years of simply stepping onto the moving staircase and letting it carry him up.

It was definitely a relief not to be in charge of the school any longer; Severus knew that he was a good teacher but he was under no delusions that he was head-material. Of course, it hadn't helped that he'd been head of a sinking ship, desperately trying to keep the school afloat as Alecto and Amycus Carrow destroyed it from within. Desperately trying not to show his true nature whilst pretending that he agreed with their brutal punishments and ghastly teaching. Desperately trying not to show how much he hated the fact that the wizarding world was collapsing and he was apparently helping to destroy it. Even though the coming year promised to be easier now that the war was over, he had been more than happy to hand the reins over to Minerva. He had loathed being the headmaster.

When he reached the wide landing at the top of the stairs, he crossed over to the right-hand door and knocked twice, surprised when it immediately flew open, revealing the familiar circular office that had been his own the previous year. His eyes flicked to the portrait above the desk where Dumbledore was snoozing quietly and then back down to where Minerva was sat, her wand still pointing towards the door, and a mountain of parchment piled on the desk in front of her. She nodded to him in greeting and then put her finger to her lips and indicated the sleeping girl in the armchair by the fire. Tansy Laverstock looked healthier than she had the last time that Severus had set eyes on her, just after she'd woken up from the three-month coma although, in his opinion, she still looked as though a stiff breeze would blow her away.

'Good evening Severus,' Minerva had walked round the side of the desk.

'Good evening Minerva,' Severus matched his tone to hers and dragged his eyes away from the girl in the armchair. 'I just brought you these documents. Horace didn't really keep on track with the official paperwork but I can assure you that it's all up to date now.' He handed her the sheath of parchment that he'd been carrying. 'I'm sorry to add to your paperwork.' He nodded to the huge pile on the desk and the equally huge pile on the floor beside her vacated chair. Then his eyes slid back to Tansy, concerned that she was so pale and so still. He was quite relieved to see the tiny, fluttery rise and fall of her chest.

'How's she doing, Minerva?' The question left his mouth before he could stop it. His hand slid into his pocket and his fist curled around the scrawled note that he'd received by owl mail that morning.

'She's…' Minerva sighed and shook her head. 'It's extremely slow progress, Severus. I'm trying to get her to talk about what happened but she hasn't said much…'

'She's talking?' Severus interrupted, surprised.

'Only to me and Remus but yes.' It was strange, but Severus felt relieved; he remembered the girl's inability to talk at the start of her fifth year and the way that her silence had almost destroyed her. The memory of what she had done to herself at that time came back to him so vividly that he felt as though he was really there.

 _'You are not going to die on me, Laverstock! Severus pointed his wand at the child's chest and tried the charm again. Her heart beat twice, stuttered and then started up again in a regular rhythm. He exhaled with relief and immediately turned to the deep self-inflicted cuts on the inside of her forearms and started to croon the required spell. Slowly, the blood receded and a faint web of clotting started to form over the deep incisions._

 _'I've sent a Patronus for Poppy and the Headmaster. They're on their way.' Severus barely heard Minerva's frantic voice; the spell required his full concentration. As he murmured the incantation for the third time, a blaring alarm suddenly cut across the quiet of the forest. He swore, looked down at the child's chest to confirm what he already knew to be true, and pointed his wand at her chest again._

 _'Goddammit! Her heart has stopped again!' With a stupendous effort, he reached for his last magical reserves and tried the spell that would restart her heart. It seemed to take an age but he hung on, knowing that he would pass out before he could attempt the spell for a fourth time. With a grating shudder he finally felt the spell take hold and Tansy Laverstock's heart stirred faintly, hiccuped, and then started to beat erratically._

 _'You will breathe, you will live. Get back here goddammit!' He muttered, still straining to keep her heart from stopping again._

 _'Severus, you've done brilliantly. We'll take over from here.'_

 _Severus was barely aware of the hands helping him to his feet as Madam Pomfrey and Dumbledore took over the medical emergency. He barely felt the dampness of his robes where the waterlogged forest floor had soaked through. Someone handed him a potion and he downed it instinctively and immediately his surroundings came into sharper focus; Filius and Minerva were supporting him, one on either side while Dumbledore and Madam Pomfrey still worked over Tansy Laverstock. Those insufferable Gryffindor fifth years were all grouped twenty or so yards away, peering anxiously over at the group of Professors._

 _'Severus?' Minerva asked. 'Are you okay?'_

'Severus? Are you okay?' Severus jerked out of the memory and realised that he was standing in the headmistress's office.

'I'm sorry, Minerva, I was miles away.' He shook himself mentally and groped around for their topic of conversation. 'You were saying that Laverstock was talking to you?' He ignored the woman's concerned look and mercifully she allowed herself to be steered back to the conversation.

'Yes, there are obviously great gaps in what she's told us, Severus. We haven't had the full picture by any means and I don't know if we ever will. She won't say a word about what happened at the Manor and I'm afraid that if we push her too hard then she'll just clam up. But I suppose that it's a vast improvement on where we were just a week ago.' Severus's relief vanished abruptly and his mind flicked back to the contents of the note in his pocket.

'And it was at the Manor that most of the trauma occurred,' his eyes flashed black with fury and Minerva took a small step away from him.

'Well yes, but the fact that she's saying anything is more progress than I thought we'd ever make.' She hesitated and when she continued her voice shook slightly. 'I'd resigned myself never to hear her voice again, Severus.'

'Minerva…' Severus didn't know what to say and, anyway, he felt uncomfortable with the level of emotion in the room. He settled for putting his hand on her arm in a gesture of sympathy. There was a long silence.

'Can I ask a favour please?' The Professor's usual, business-like tone was back. When he nodded, she continued quickly. 'I need to go to the hospital wing briefly. I need a sleeping potion.'

'For the girl?' Minerva sighed and looked at him levelly.

'No, Severus, for me. I haven't been sleeping properly. I think it's because I'm so worried about Tansy but it's started affecting my work and, with the students back tomorrow, I need my cauldrons bubbling at full capacity.' Severus could hear Minerva's attempt to sound light-hearted but he could also clearly see the strain behind the jovial tone. For her sake, he pretended he hadn't noticed anything amiss.

'I'll stay with Miss Laverstock.' Then, catching sight of the crib on the table over by the window he blanched slightly. 'Don't leave the baby with me… I…' He shuddered delicately; babies were foreign objects to him.

As soon as Minerva had left the room, he sank into the chair behind the desk and withdrew the crumpled parchment note from his pocket, rereading it with a frown.

The note was from Draco Malfoy.

* * *

As always, your wonderful reviews inspired me to write this chapter! Happy St David's day from a very soggy South Wales.


	8. Chapter 8

Hermione's POV

'Miss Granger!' Hermione looked up from the crocodile of eleven-year olds that she'd been guiding out of the great hall to see the headmistress walking swiftly towards her. Hermione thought that Minerva McGonagall looked tired but her usual brisk, business-like air was back and she had a spring in her step again.

'Good evening, Professor McGonagall,' Hermione smiled tentatively at the older woman; in the past few months their relationship had evolved beyond all recognition and it felt quite odd to be back to being student and teacher; Hermione felt as though a stretched rubber band had just snapped back on her.

'Tansy, I mean, Miss Laverstock asked me to give you this.' Professor McGonagall handed Hermione a neat scroll of parchment, loosely bound with a piece of frayed scarlet silk.

'Mr Longbottom? Would you please guide these first years up to Gryffindor tower for Miss Granger? The password is Virtus Lupus.' Neville appeared at Hermione's right hand and one of the smallest first years took a step backwards while a couple of others whispered pointedly together. Hermione felt herself wincing with sympathy.

'It's okay,' Neville smiled pleasantly and gestured for the group to follow him out of the hall. They had almost reached the doors when Hermione heard a piping voice.

'Um, Longbottom, er Sir, how did you get those scars on your face?'

Hermione pulled one end of the scarlet silk and the parchment sprang open.

 _I'm sorry I wasn't at the feast. I've missed all of you so much. I'd like to spend the evening with you in the new common room. Will you come and fetch me please? I'm scared to be on my own in the corridors._

Hermione barely recognised her best friend's handwriting; Tansy's hand seemed to have been shaking so badly as she wrote the note that the writing was almost illegible in places. She felt her heart sink slightly in sympathy as she read the last, crossed-out line. She didn't blame Tansy in the slightest for being afraid of the Hogwarts corridors, especially after last year.

'Don't let her stay up too late, Miss Granger, you've both got class tomorrow. Ah...' A faint blush appeared on the Professor's cheeks. '…I'm sorry, Miss Granger, I keep on forgetting how old you are now.' She looked around, as though she was checking that nobody else was in earshot. 'It's just that I worry about her.'

'I know, I do too,' Hermione said, nodding in agreement. 'Is she any better, Professor?'

'Progress is slow. I… I hope so, but it's so hard to tell.' The older woman's voice shook slightly. Hermione made as if to put a comforting hand on the Professor's shoulder, then stopped, suddenly remembering they were pupil and teacher.

'I'm sorry, Miss Granger.' Professor McGonagall sighed heavily and then gestured for Hermione to get on. 'She's waiting for you upstairs.' She nodded to Hermione before making her way across the hall to where Severus Snape had waylaid Draco Malfoy.

'Ah Hermione, head girl I see. Great choice couldn' ask for no one better.' Hermione looked up to see Hagrid's bulk towering over her. He was flanked on either side by Harry and Ron. A burst of irritation swelled through her as she realised that this was where they had both disappeared off too at the end of the feast, instead of helping her with the first years.

'What have you got there?' Ron asked, pointing to the parchment.

'Tansy wants to spend the evening with us.' She handed Ron the parchment and he scanned it quickly.

'How's Tansy doin'? I haven't seen her since she got back. An' how's the baby?' Hagrid asked, a look of concern on his bearded face.

'We saw her the day before yesterday. Baby Hope is doing fine but Tansy…' Hermione trailed off and then looked up into his concerned eyes. 'I don't know, Hagrid. She's still really…' She struggled for the right word.

'She's ill,' Harry supplied, a fierce look on his face. 'She's struggling and we're going to help her to get through it, however long it takes. It's not her fault.'

'An' we'll do it! We'll get her through it!' Hagrid exclaimed, so loudly that several nearby students looked over at the group. Hermione nodded in agreement, suddenly feeling choked up. 'By the way, yer all invited ter tea next Saturday. I'll get the house elves ter make the cake. I know by now what yer think of my bakin'.' He sniffed and then ambled away from them, parting the crowd of students by the door easily with his bulk.

Harry looked down at the note and then shook his head slowly.

'McGonagall told me that we've got our own common room with a separate entrance next to the Fat Lady so we won't have all of the other years to worry about but I'd better go and warn the other eighth years not to make a fuss of her. She won't cope if they all come rushing over to see how she is.' Hermione nodded, surprised that he'd thought of this.

'I'll go and fetch her and the two of you can tell everyone to go easy on her.' The boys both nodded.

Tansy had clearly been waiting on the other side of the ugly stone gargoyle that guarded the entrance up to the headmistress's quarters above because as soon as Hermione reached it, it sprang aide and she appeared. She was carrying Hope securely in a baby sling on her front but she had also wrapped her arms tightly around herself and the baby, almost as if she was afraid that Hope would somehow slip out. Hermione was suddenly struck by how small and fragile her friend looked; her tightly wrapped arms gave the impression that she was holding herself together, trying to stop herself from falling apart at the seams.

'Hey, it's so good to see you.' She leaned in and gave Tansy a gentle hug, carefully avoiding squashing the baby.

'It's good to see you too Hermione,' Tansy's voice was so faint that, for half a heartbeat, Hermione thought that she'd imagined it. Hermione hadn't been expecting a verbal response and a rush of pride for her friend thrilled through her body. She struggled to keep the surprise off her face because she knew that it would only serve to embarrass Tansy. Instead, she peered down at the baby who was fast asleep with her head pillowed on her mother's chest.

'It's only been two days but she looks bigger. Has she grown?'

'Madam Pomfrey weighed her this morning. She's about four and a half pounds now.' Tansy replied in a quiet voice, using a finger to stroke the auburn fuzz that covered the top of Hope's head. Hermione could see in Tansy's face how much she loved her tiny daughter.

'She's growing slowly but steadily then; you're clearly doing something right.' Hermione said, pleased to see a faint flush of pride on Tansy's pale face at the praise.

They walked slowly together in a comfortable silence through the quiet corridors but Tansy's steps faltered slightly as they approached the Fat Lady. Hermione looked at her in concern; she could see from the expression on her friend's face that she was trying to say something.

'It's okay, Tansy. Take your time.' Hermione spoke in a low voice, trying to reassure her.

'Thank you for coming.' The words were barely audible and Hermione knew that this was not what Tansy had wanted to say.

'Don't be silly, it's fine.' She suddenly felt slightly awkward because there was something strained in their relationship now and she didn't seem to know what to say to her friend any more. 'What is it Tansy? Everything's fine.'

'Where are Harry and Ron? I… I thought…' Hermione could see a range of emotions playing across Tansy's face. She put a hand on her shoulder.

'What is it Tansy?' She repeated. 'The boys are fine; they're just going to meet us in the common room.' Tansy appeared to take a deep, shaking breath before she answered and, looking into her eyes, Hermione could see the depths of the other girl's panic.

'It's silly…' She mumbled.

'Tansy, whatever it is… I'll help.' Hermione took Tansy's shaking hand in her own and squeezed it. Tansy took another deep breath.

'Words… difficult… talking…' She muttered disjointedly. Hermione waited for her to elaborate, unwilling to interrupt. 'I haven't… it's stupid… people… I… there's so much fog in my head and I don't know…' Tansy bit her lip. 'People…' She repeated incoherently. Hermione had got the gist of what she was trying to say and nodded.

'Listen, it's okay. The eighth years have their own common room and no…'

'Nobody will fuss you; we've made sure of it.' Hermione whipped round and saw Harry, Ron and Ginny walking towards them down the corridor. She shook her head angrily at Harry, the one who had spoken; if there was one thing that Tansy hated then it was the thought of people talking about her. However, neither of the boys seemed to notice her frown.

'It's great to see you, Tan.' Ron closed the distance so that he could give Tansy a hug and then leaned in to inspect the baby.

'She looks great, can I hold her when we get inside?' Tansy nodded and smiled at him and Hermione found herself smiling too; she could see how the praise for the baby was helping the other girl and there was something very endearing about Ron's apparent interest in the baby.

'Just wait till you've seen the common room.' Ginny said, pushing her brother out of the way so that she could hug Tansy too.

'You mean that you've been in there too?' Hermione asked, 'I thought it was only for eighth years?'

'It is, but I'm an eighth year aren't I?' Harry said, hugging Tansy when it was his turn.

'Remus, I mean _Professor_ Lupin is going to give you a detention if he finds Ginny in your bedroom.' Hermione warned him, as they walked the remaining few yards to the portrait hole. Harry blushed but Ginny looked unphased.

'He's got to catch us first, Hermione. Anyway, I can foresee Bill being more of a problem than Remus. He's overly protective of me, always has been.' She said, shoving her hand into Harry's.

* * *

Tansy's POV

Beside the portrait of the fat lady, a new painting of a majestic old oak tree had been installed. The tree's limbs reaching up and out of the painting rustled and swayed softly as though in a gentle breeze. The first hint of autumn had arrived both outside the castle and in this picture too and the tree's leaves were all starting to turn dry and brown. They would litter the bottom of the frame before the month was up.

'What's the password?' Hermione asked.

'There is no password. Watch.' Harry placed the palm of his hand on the fork where the main trunk of the tree split into two smaller branches. Immediately, a great wind seemed to shake the tree, then it fell still and a hole appeared in the trunk, big enough that they could all get through without ducking.

Cradling Hope protectively to her chest, Tansy followed Harry through into what looked like a miniature replica of the Gryffindor common room. Squashy old chairs and sofas were positioned round a huge fireplace and along the far wall there were large desks and several well stocked book shelves. The room was empty but for Lavender and Parvati who both waved from one of the sofas over by the fireplace but made no move to approach them.

'There are two corridors, one for girls and one for boys with individual rooms off them.' Ron explained, pointing to two wood panelled doors built into the walls on either side of the fireplace. 'We've all got our own study bedrooms. Do you want me to take Hope while you look at yours, Tansy?' Tansy shook her head because she knew that she would be staying with Minerva McGonagall for the foreseeable future. Barely coping as it was, there was no way that she could manage without her adoptive mother's help. Deep down she also knew that she didn't trust herself on her own with the baby.

'I'll just take a peek; you don't mind do you Tansy?' When Tansy shook her head, Hermione scuttled off towards the door on the right of the fireplace, calling, 'I won't be a minute!' Over her shoulder as she went.

Tansy sank down onto the nearest sofa and adjusted the sling so that it didn't cut into her side.

'So, I suppose you've heard about the new cause for celebration?' Ginny asked, her voice dripping with sarcasm. Harry swiped at her and she caught his hand and pulled him in for a kiss. 'Two head boys!' She announced, in a muffled voice, resurfacing again. Tansy looked up from her daughter's face in surprise; Professor McGonagall had not told her the news and Tansy had been too preoccupied to remember that the head boy and girl would probably be chosen from the returning eighth years.

'Hmm, I have no idea why McGonagall thought that I would make a good choice.' Harry mused, taking the chair next to Tansy's sofa and pulling Ginny down onto his lap.

'Or me,' Ron plumped himself down next to Tansy and extended his arms for the baby. Gratefully, Tansy unhitched the sling and carefully passed Hope over to his waiting arms, supporting her head and neck as she did so.

'Awwwww, Ginny cooed, reaching out to tickle the baby's face.

'Don't be so dense,' Hermione snapped, appearing behind the sofa. She leaned over to stroke baby Hope's forehead. 'You both helped to defeat Voldemort. You both deserve the honour of Head Boy. Good job she's made you share it though. Neither of you are responsible enough to manage it alone.' She flounced round the sofa and perched herself on the arm next to Ron and the baby.

'And I suppose you _can_ manage it by yourself, Miss Straight-O-Student.' Ron said, reaching out to tweak the long, thick braid of hair that fell down the back of Hermione's robes.

'Of course she can, she's a woman, infinitely more ARGH…' Ginny suddenly found herself on the common room carpet. 'Right, that's it Potter!' Tansy found herself smiling at the banter.

'Pity she didn't make you joint head girl with Hermione, Tansy,' Ron said, his face the picture of perfect sincerity. 'Then we'd all get a share in the glory and Hermione wouldn't think she was twice as good as us.' Tansy stared at him for a second, realised from the mischievous look in his eyes that he was joking, and started giggling. Half a second later, Hermione and Ron joined in.

'Um why are Ginny and Harry on the floor?' A voice asked from behind them. Looking round, Tansy saw that Neville, Dean and Seamus had arrived. Dean and Seamus both had broomsticks over their shoulders. 'It's great to see you Tansy.' Neville continued.

'Good to see you Tansy. Your baby is so cute.' Seamus said, leaning over to inspect her. 'Anyway, come on Dean. You challenged the master; now it's time to get your ass thrashed!' He pointed out of the window at the floodlit Quidditch pitch. Prepare to go down. Neville, you're the ref.'

'See you tomorrow,' Dean said, following Seamus out through the portrait hole. Neville, looking thoroughly indifferent at the prospect of being a referee, waved at the group on the sofa and then followed them out.

'We just came over to see how you were doing, Tansy.'

Tansy looked round again and saw that Lavender and Parvati had crossed the common room. This was, in essence, exactly what Tansy had feared; exactly why she had seriously considered abandoning the idea of spending the evening in the common room in favour of a quiet night alone in her room. Now that she was here, however, she found herself coping better than she'd anticipated. It was obvious that Harry and Ron had warned the other Gryffindors not to fuss Tansy and the baby. Although she felt herself growing hot at the idea of them discussing her, Tansy also felt relieved; she knew her own limitations.

'She's very cute, but so tiny,' Lavender said, peering down longingly at the baby on Ron's lap.

'Do you want to hold her, that's okay isn't it Tansy?' Ron asked, checking before he handed the baby over. Tansy felt herself paling at the idea but knew that she was being paranoid. She nodded resolutely.

'Careful to support the head,' Ron said in a professional manner, as he handed Hope over to Lavender, who looked thrilled.

'She's so tiny. She's utterly gorgeous.' Parvati said, looking jealously at her friend.

'She's a lot bigger now than she was a month ago.' Harry said, having won the wrestling match against Ginny. He now had her pinned on the floor in front of him.

'She was three pounds when she was born. She was shorter than my forearm.' Ron said, holding up his arm to emphasize the point.

'She still is shorter than your arm, longshanks.' Ginny said grumpily, from the floor.

'She's perfect,' Lavender cradled the baby against her chest. 'You're so lucky Tansy.' Suddenly and abruptly a frost descended on the room and the mood changed instantly.

'Shit! I'm sorry, I didn't mean… Oh Merlin, what have I said?' Lavender choked suddenly, her eyes glistening with tears. 'I'm so sorry, Tansy, I didn't mean...'

Tansy stood up and looked the other girl straight in the eyes. A hush fell on the room as everybody waited for Tansy's reaction. Harry released Ginny and sprang to his feet, almost as if he thought that he'd have to restrain Tansy from hurting herself or the other girl.

Tansy took a deep, steadying breath.

'It's okay, Lavender. She _is_ perfect. And I'm very lucky that she's here and that I'm here too.' Tansy said quietly, surprising everyone in the room, including herself with words.

* * *

Thank you for my reviews! They really inspire me to write.


	9. Chapter 9

'There you go, good girl.' The words were meaningless but it felt nice to let baby Hope hear her mother's voice at last. The baby finished the bottle and Tansy placed a muslin over her shoulder and lifted her up so that she could be winded. Hope protested sleepily and buried her face in Tansy's hair.

'Good girl,' Tansy mumbled again, patting the baby's back rhythmically but gently; she didn't want Hope to sick up her breakfast. It was already after eight o'clock in the morning and she needed to get ready for lessons. She stared out at the castle grounds, squinting slightly against the bright early-morning sunlight and hoped there would be time later to take her daughter outside for some fresh air.

'Did she take the whole bottle?' Tansy looked up as Minerva walked in through the door of the bedroom, balancing a tray piled high with breakfast items on the tip of her wand. She nodded in reply, suddenly feeling stupid and tongue-tied. Then she shook herself mentally, telling herself off for being so stupid.

'And there it is, you clever girl!' Minerva said brightly, as Hope let out a small burp. Tansy felt something sliding down the back of her neck and her heart sank slightly. It was only a dribble but it was enough that she'd have to wash her hair and find clean pajamas for the following night.

Tansy lowered Hope onto her lap, then sighed as she heard the tell-tale sounds of the baby filling her nappy. It seemed to go on forever and, when it was finally over, Tansy looked down, surprised to see that the nappy had held its contents without leaking.

'I'll change her while you get ready,' Minerva offered, crossing over to the wardrobe. When she opened the door Tansy could see several brand-new sets of school robes hanging like dead things inside. 'You must have some breakfast too before class. Oh and I almost forgot…' Minerva fished in the pocket of her emerald green robes and withdrew a crumpled piece of parchment which she restored flat with a tap of her wand. '…your timetable.' She said, holding it out to Tansy.

Still cradling the baby, Tansy inspected it. It seemed a lot less full than usual and she wondered idly if Minerva McGonagall had removed some of her classes so that she wouldn't overdo things.

'All of the eighth years will have three hours a week for each subject rather than the usual four.' Minerva explained, seeing Tansy's questioning eyes. 'There just aren't enough hours in the day to timetable anymore and the teachers' schedules are impossible already. There will probably be more coursework to make up for it but…'

Tansy's ears tuned out and she felt herself paling as she looked down at the timetable again. She tried to control her breathing, which was becoming increasingly panicked by reassuring herself that she had quite a quiet day today – an hour of Herbology first thing, then the rest of the morning off and double potions in the afternoon. She wasn't particularly successful and the room suddenly seemed to be lacking in oxygen. She felt pressure on her shoulder and looked up into Minerva's worried face.

'Tansy? What's the matter?' Minerva slid onto the bed next to the panicking girl.

Tansy leaned into her adoptive mother and buried her nose in Hope's fuzzy hair, inhaling the comforting smell of dried baby milk. She didn't want to leave her, even though she knew that the people who would be looking after her were infinitely more capable than she was.

'Tansy?' Minerva pressed. Tansy opened her mouth to answer but no words came out. She struggled silently at the anxiety that seemed to hold her voice box tightly in its fist. Tears smarted her eyes and she dropped her gaze.

'Deep breaths, Tansy,' Minerva instructed. She sounded brisk and business-like. 'Take your time. Breathe with me.' Several long minutes passed while Tansy struggled to breathe in time with the other woman. 'I need you to tell me what the problem is so that I can help. You can write it down if it's easier.'

This had been happening a lot over the last few days; whenever Minerva realised that Tansy was starting to panic or was having a fog-attack, she would ask Tansy to try and let her know, either verbally or by writing, what she was feeling. Then, they would try to find a solution together so that Tansy could start to feel more in control. It was exhausting and there were times, like now, when Tansy wasn't at all sure that it was helping; sometimes it just felt easier to let her brain win, let the panic overrule her, let the fog descend.

'Tansy?' There was another long silence.

'Leaving Hope… fog… lessons…' The girl finally muttered, still avoiding the other woman's eyes. Minerva nodded, as if Tansy's incoherent answer had made all the sense in the world.

'Thank you for answering me, Tansy. I understand that it's hard to leave Hope but it's only for an hour.' Minerva's voice had taken on a gentler tone and she squeezed Tansy's shoulder supportively. 'Hope will be fine, I promise. Madam Pomfrey will look after her this morning.'

'Potions?' Tansy asked, her voice tiny. Speaking in full sentences was just too exhausting.

'Mrs Weasley will be coming over this afternoon. If you don't want to leave Hope for the full two hours then it's okay. Professor Snape will let you leave early.' Tansy barely listened to the second part of what Minerva had said; she was trying to quell the new spike of anxiety that had risen with the prospect of Mrs Weasley looking after Hope.

'Now…' Minerva gently removed the dozing baby from Tansy's arms and they both wrinkled their noses simultaneously at the smell from her loaded nappy. 'I want you to have something to eat and then you need a shower so you can wash your hair. I will come and fetch you in half an hour. We can drop Hope off at the hospital wing on our way to the greenhouses.' She pushed the tray of breakfast items into Tansy's lap. 'Come on then Madam, let's get you a clean nappy.' Cradling the sleepy baby in one arm, Minerva summoned the changing supplies from Tansy's bathroom and left the room.

Sometimes it was nice to be told what to do. It was a relief for Tansy to mindlessly follow Minerva McGonagall's instructions so that she didn't have to think for herself.

* * *

With shaking fingers, Tansy unhitched the sling and reluctantly handed Hope over to Madam Pomfrey.

'It's my guess that she'll sleep through until you get back,' the Matron said reassuringly, seemingly aware of just how difficult Tansy was finding this. 'A troupe of dancing pixies wouldn't wake her.' Tansy glanced down at her tiny daughter and felt something snap inside her. She bit her lip against the sobs that fought to break free.

'Tansy, she'll be fine.' Minerva had seen the anguished look on Tansy's face. A tear spilled over and then, suddenly, there was nothing that Tansy could do to stop them all from rolling down her cheeks. She hadn't cried properly for days, not since she'd talked to Remus and Minerva back at the Scottish cottage. She'd thought that she'd dried out and completely run out of tears but today she seemed to be making up for lost time.

'Poppy, is there anything you can give Tansy to help her to calm down? She has to attend class in a few minutes.' Minerva stroked Tansy's hair off her face and held her tightly as the girl sobbed into her shoulder.

Madam Pomfrey placed Hope in a crib over by the window and then turned back to them. She looked hard at Minerva and then shook her head.

'I'm not going to give you a calming draft, Miss Laverstock,' she said softly, but firmly. 'If I make it easier today then it will only seem harder tomorrow.' She patted Tansy's shoulder sympathetically and turned to Minerva. 'This is a perfectly normal reaction, Minerva. All new mothers' find it very difficult to leave their babies for the first time.'

Tansy knew that she was being irrational but this knowledge did not make it any easier to cope with the reality. She'd left Hope for an hour at a time when she'd been staying at the cottage with Minerva. However, this felt totally different; at the cottage she'd always been within calling distance. It hadn't felt like abandonment.

'Take a deep breath, Tansy. You can do this.' Tansy wondered how Minerva could be so sure. 'It's only for an hour. She will be fine.' There was a long pause while Tansy tried to control herself. 'Come on, we're both going to be late for class.'

Minerva led her shaking daughter out of the hospital wing. Tansy sniffed and wiped at her eyes with the sleeve of her robes. Her heart seemed to be galloping in her chest and she felt strangely out of breath considering they were walking down a perfectly flat corridor.

'I…' Minerva stopped walking and leaned in to hear Tansy's whisper. '…scared to leave her… know it's silly. I'm sorry.'

'Tansy, you heard what Madam Pomfrey just said. This is perfectly normal. Merlin, most new mothers don't have to leave their babies until they are much older than Hope. You have nothing to apologise for. Here…' She handed Tansy a lacy handkerchief with an embroidered 'M' on the corner and the young witch used it to wipe at her still leaking eyes.

Perhaps it was lucky that the morning's Herbology lesson was a theoretical one, preparing the eighth years for a practical session two days later: Tansy found it extremely difficult to concentrate on Professor Sprout's lecture because her head seemed to be full of the fog again. Her ears kept tuning out and her eyes would lose their focus on the scrawled chalk words on the blackboard. When the Professor finished speaking, they were all given worksheets and textbooks. Tansy stared at hers but even writing her name across the top seemed to be an impossible feat.

At the end of the lesson, Professor Sprout collected the sheets. She nodded approvingly at Neville's and Hermione's and gave both Ron and Harry a smile of encouragement. Her smile faltered when she saw the blank parchment in front of Tansy. She looked sympathetically down at the young witch and Tansy dropped her eyes, feeling herself going pink.

'Is everything okay, Miss Laverstock?' Although the Professor spoke in a low voice, Tansy felt sure that everyone in the greenhouse was staring at her. She stared blankly at the desktop.

'She's fine,' Harry said coming to her aid. 'It's just that…'

'Mr Potter,' Tansy could hear the frown in Professor Sprout's voice. 'I'm asking Miss Laverstock. I understand…' The Professor's voice tuned out for several seconds. She turned back to Tansy who had just clapped her hands somewhat violently over her ears in an effort to get them to work again.

'Bad day?' She asked, her voice gentle. Tansy stared at her for a few seconds and nodded slowly. 'Thank you for coming to my class anyway. I can go over the work with you later in the week when you're feeling more up to it.' Tansy didn't think that her brain would ever be up for it but she nodded anyway, desperate to get out of the greenhouse and back to Hope.

* * *

Severus Snape's POV

'In…' Severus Snape opened the door of dungeon seven. The assembled eighth years looked up and started moving towards him. 'Ah Mr Malfoy.' Severus continued in his silkiest voice as the Slytherin boy walked past him. Draco looked positively terrified to be singled out from the crowd. Gone were the days of his cocky arrogance; he looked like he wanted the floor to open and swallow him up. 'I want to see you in my office after class, our chat got cut short last night.'

Draco nodded and scuttled into the dungeon. Severus saw that he had taken a seat by himself at the very back of the room. He looked pale and thin in the flickering light of the mounted torches behind him.

The Gryffindor eighth years were the last to enter the dungeon, with Granger and Potter flanking Tansy Laverstock so closely that it looked like they were holding her up. Tansy herself looked dazed; there was something unfocused about her eyes and Severus wondered if she ought to be attending class at all. If he was honest with himself, he thought that she looked extremely unstable.

He closed the dungeon door and then walked over to the blackboard. The students were all rummaging in their bags for quills, textbooks and parchment. Severus glanced at the Gryffindor table and saw that Granger had found Tansy's things for her and had placed them on the desk in front of the other girl. Tansy was staring blankly at the blackboard but even from here he could tell that she wasn't really seeing it. Severus thought back to the staff meeting the previous night, at the end of which the headmistress had informed the other Professors that Tansy Laverstock would be returning to class in an attempt to get her back to normality. He knew that Professor McGonagall was only doing what she thought best for her daughter but he wondered if it wouldn't do more harm than good; the girl looked like she needed another month of recuperation.

'Attention please.' Silence fell immediately as it always did when he started a class. 'Today we will be brewing the Cardiatica Curavi potion. Can anyone tell me what this potion is used for?' Predictably Hermione Granger's hand flew up. Severus swallowed down his annoyance; he was trying to break the habit of a lifetime and treat these particular Gryffindors fairly.

'Yes, Miss Granger?' Perhaps there was a hint of the old sarcasm in his voice but it was definitely toned down.

'Cardiatica Curavi is used to treat patients who have undergone a cardiac arrest, Sir, but only if the cardiac arrest has been caused by the heart illness Cardiatica Adgressus. It can't be used if the cardiac arrest has been caused by something else, lack of blood for example.' It was pretty impressive that the young woman still managed to sound as though she'd swallowed a textbook when she probably hadn't had time to do any studying for over a year.

'Correct, Miss Granger… er… ten points to Gryffindor.' The students all exchanged incredulous looks when they thought that he wasn't looking. Severus swallowed down his annoyance and continued the class.

'The potion itself is relatively simple; there are only four active ingredients plus a base of pomegranate juice. It should take a maximum of five to ten minutes to stir up as it is always freshly brewed in an emergency.' Severus used his wand to highlight the list of ingredients on the blackboard.

'There is only one complex part; the dragon liver has to be spelled for extra potency. Over the next two hours I will come to each of you individually and show you how to mix the potion. The effects of misspelling a dragon liver could be catastrophic so I forbid you to start on your own. The rest of you will study the theory of the potion and compose an essay to be handed in to me by the end of the class.'

* * *

Tansy's POV

Tansy had been staring at the unopened textbook in front of her for well over an hour without making a single move to do any work when she heard Professor Snape's footsteps behind their desk. She tensed and her elbow hit her cauldron with an echoing clang. Professor Snape placed a handful of ingredients in the centre of the table and surveyed the four Gryffindors with an uncharacteristic mildness. His eyebrows rose slightly when he saw the empty sheet of parchment and the unopened textbook in front of Tansy but he made no comment.

'Shall I start with you, Miss Laverstock?' He asked, in a low voice. His eyes flicked down to the blank parchment in front of Tansy again. 'Once we've made the potion you can go. The essay can be completed for a later date.' Snape poked his wand at the base of Tansy's cauldron and the fire crackled into life.

'The first step is to add the pomegranate juice so that it can start to simmer.' Snape said quietly. There was a long, expectant pause. Tansy was fully aware that all of her friends and Snape too were holding their breaths. Slowly, she forced herself to obey Snape's instructions. She could feel herself starting to tremble violently.

'Now add the dittany, flitterbulb and the snakeweed and stir counter clockwise until the colour changes from purple to pale pink.' Tansy dropped the three ingredients haphazardly into the cauldron and took hold of the metal stirring rod and tried to stir but her hands were shaking so badly by this point that she splashed herself with the mixture. It stung slightly where it touched the bare skin of her hands.

'Miss Laverstock, I know that you are capable of this.' Tansy jumped as Snape spoke softly in her ear. She knew that he had lowered his voice deliberately to the point where her friends would not hear him. 'Another five minutes and you can leave. You _can_ do this.'

 _You can't do this._

The voice inside her head countered, loudly, and she shook her head to dislodge it.

After two minutes of stirring, the contents of the cauldron turned the pale pink of the inside of a seashell.

'One last step.' Snape pushed the cauldron to one side and placed a small quantity of dragon liver on the bench in front of Tansy. 'The spell is always nonverbal; think the words _Cardica_ _curus_ , accompanied by a flick and a sharp jab with your wand. Like so…' He demonstrated the wand movement. Tansy looked up at him numbly, her heart rate speeding up. She had expected this to happen eventually but she had not expected it to happen today. Wands were rarely used during Potions classes.

'Your turn, Miss Laverstock.' Tansy stared miserably at the dragon liver and didn't move. 'Where is your wand, Miss Laverstock?' Tansy knew but she shrugged in reply: Her wand was hidden in her bedroom under a pile of clean underwear that the house elves had delivered that morning. There was a long, uncomfortable silence.

'Never mind, you can use mine for today.' Snape placed the handle of his wand into Tansy's shaking hand. 'On the count of three… one… two…'

Tansy's mind was exploding as she fought to suppress the memories of the last time that she'd held a borrowed wand in her hand. Her heart was beating so fast that she felt weak and the air in the dungeon seemed to be devoid of oxygen. She took a deep breath, trying to steady herself so that she could cast the stupid spell and get out of there.

Suddenly, she started violently; she was no longer in the dungeon. The pale faces of crowd on the castle lawn below her looked up at her as she hung suspended in the air in front of them. The air tasted of leaf mould and wild garlic. Slowly, as if her arm had a mind of its own, she raised the wand into the air and looked up into the sky.

* * *

Thank you for my reviews. They are hugely inspiring to me. I hope you are all keeping well.


	10. Chapter 10

Severus Snape's POV

Severus Snape realised that there was something terribly wrong about ten seconds too late; Tansy Laverstock had raised his wand unnaturally high. Her hand, already trembling, had started to shiver and shake more violently as she stared unseeingly at the dungeon ceiling.

'It's okay, Miss Laverstock.' His said softly. 'You don't have to do it. Lower the wand now.' He tried to put a hand on her shoulder to reassure her but he recoiled sharply as a current of pure energy ran from the raised wand, straight through the girl and into his own hand.

'Tansy, calm down, it's okay!' Her friends had pushed back their benches and were crowding closer.

'Don't touch her!' It was too late; Ronald Weasley had tried to push the girl's wand arm down. He was thrown sharply backwards and into the stone wall of the dungeon. His head met the rough stone with an audible clunk.

'Ron!' Hermione Granger squealed, throwing herself across the room towards him. Severus made a split-second decision.

'Class dismissed! Get out now.' There was a clatter of benches as they were pushed back and the students all made a dash for the exit. Severus glanced over to where Weasley lay, scrunched against the wall, and was relieved to see that he was still conscious although he looked somewhat dazed. He turned back to Tansy Laverstock in time to see her crumple off the bench and onto the stone floor of the dungeon.

'Tansy?' Harry Potter dropped to his knees beside the collapsed girl and Severus followed suit.

'Potter, give me your wand.' Mercifully, the boy followed his order without question. 'Expelliarmus!' His own wand flew out of Tansy's hand and he caught it reflexively, immediately using it to send a Patronus up through the dungeon ceiling, summoning help.

As soon as the wand left her hand, Tansy's eyes flew open and she tensed, pushing herself away across the floor as she stared around in horror. Her eyes were wild and scared and she seemed not to know where she was. Her eyes swivelled round the dungeon, searching for something.

'Miss Laverstock, everything is okay. You are fine.' Severus hastened to reassure her. She still looked terrified and when her searching eyes met his, her confusion seemed to triplicate.

'You're in Potions,' Potter scooted forwards towards the girl and she shrank backwards.

'Easy Potter, give her some space.' Severus murmured, pulling the boy back. He glanced over his shoulder; Hermione Granger was holding something against the back of Weasley's head although her attention seemed to be on what was happening to Tansy rather than her first aid attempts.

'Are you okay, Miss Laverstock?' Severus asked, his voice low. 'Are you hurt in any way?' The girl glanced up at him and shook her head. Then her eyes resumed their searching.

'There's no one here but us. You're quite safe. Breathe Tansy.' Potter said and, before Severus could prevent it, he placed a hand on the girl's shoulder. Relief flooded through Severus when nothing happened. In fact, the boy's touch seemed to ground the girl somewhat, and she drew in a deep, shaking breath.

'What happened Miss Laverstock?' Severus asked, the words leaving his mouth before he could stop them.

The girl pushed herself up into a sitting position. She looked down at her empty hand and then over to Severus's wand. Then her face contorted and tears started to roll down her cheeks. To everyone's surprise, she opened her mouth.

'I… I… I…' She pushed herself backwards, until she was under the desk. 'I… can't…'

'What can't you do, Tansy?' Hermione Granger had left Weasley's side and she sank to her knees beside Severus and reached out towards her friend. Tansy cowered away, choking, and pointed to the wand, her shaking hands grasping at her face.

'…wand…' She stuttered, gasping for air.

'What about the wand?' Granger asked, leaning forward.

'You _can_ do it…' Potter said, simultaneously.

Ten seconds late once again, Severus suddenly realised that the girl was having a panic attack. He took control of the situation.

'Stop questioning her and give her some space. Take a deep breath, Miss Laverstock. Everything is fine. Try to calm down.' The girl seemed to be trying to speak, trying to explain, but the panic and her inability to breathe was making it impossible.

'Tansy, Professor Snape is right. Try to calm your breathing. Breathe in…' Granger leaned forwards and placed a hand on her friend's arm, recoiling almost immediately as the other girl cringed away from her. '…and out.' She continued, as if nothing had happened.

'That's it, Tan.' Severus looked up to see the lanky figure of Ronald Weasley looming over him; the boy still looked dazed and there was a bloody lump on the back of his head.

'What's wrong, Miss Laverstock? What happened there?' Once again, the question left him unbidden. He actually agreed with the look of fury that Potter sent his way when the questions caused Tansy to clutch tighter at her face in distress.

'It's okay, Miss Laverstock, try to keep breathing evenly.'

'I'm sorry…' Severus leaned in to hear the response; there was something about this girl that raised some innate, primal instinct inside him. An instinct to protect her. Severus couldn't protect her if he didn't know what was wrong.

'I'm sorry…' the girl repeated, her face now sopping with tears. 'Wand…' Her voice was nearly inaudible. '…I can't use the wand…'

'Why can't you use the wand, Tansy?' It was Potter himself who had voiced this question. Tansy looked at him despairingly and muttered something inaudible.

'Say that again, Miss Laverstock,' Severus said, knowing instinctively that they were actually making progress; if Tansy Laverstock could tell them what the problem was then they could start to work through it with her.

'…because… it takes me back… _there_ …' There was a long pause, during which Severus exchanged a confused look with Potter. The two words the girl uttered next shook Severus to his very core.

He suddenly understood.

'Blood Magic.'

The dungeon door flew open with a bang and Tansy Laverstock gasped and drew herself further under the desk as Remus Lupin and Bill Weasley careened into the room, both with wands outstretched. Severus heard the girl on the floor whimper in fear and got quickly to his feet. It was certainly true that his Patronus had not outlined the nature of the crisis but the other wizards' aggressive air seemed a little over the top.

'What's happened?' Remus Lupin asked breathlessly, lowering his wand as his searching eyes took in the scene; Tansy Laverstock cowering under the desk and her concerned friends grouped around her. 'Tansy? Are you okay?' When he received no response, he turned back to Severus. 'What happened, Severus?'

'Ron, are you bleeding?' Bill Weasley moved over to his youngest brother in concern. His hand poked at the back of Ronald's head and the younger wizard winced away, frowning.

'Argh, I'm fine, gerroff Bill!'

'Professor Lupin, Professor Weasley, everything is under control.' Severus said quickly; the two wizards showed every sign of joining the crowd around Tansy and more people crowding round her was probably the last thing that she needed at the moment. They both seemed to relax slightly, although their eyes still lingered on the sobbing girl, hiding under the desk.

'A word if I may.' Severus continued, trying to portray a sense urgency in his tone. He ushered the two wizards over to the door and briefly explained, in a low voice, what had just happened. Their grave expressions returned immediately.

'I didn't realise,' Remus said. His voice was quiet but he looked aghast. 'I didn't notice that she wasn't using her wand for anything. How could I have missed that? She's been awake for a month and I haven't seen it in her hand once! Not once! I…'

'Remus, it's hardly been a smooth road.' Bill said, looking over to where Tansy still shook on the floor and shaking his head sadly. 'She's been so unwell. Nobody noticed that she wasn't doing magic. We were just pleased to see her up and about.'

'Minerva didn't say anything about it either and she's been with Miss Laverstock every day for the past month.'

Severus's words seemed to pacify Remus a little. He wondered idly when he'd stopped seeing the other wizard as an arch enemy and started to view him more as an ally instead. Severus looked over to the group of students again and was pleased to see that they had successfully cajoled Tansy out from under the table. She seemed to be shaking so hard that her friends were physically holding her to stop her from falling off the lab bench where they were sat and tears were still pouring down her face.

'She's stopped projecting but she's still very distressed. We need to get her upstairs to Minerva and Poppy.' Severus said quietly, nodding to the group. Severus saw a spasm of pain flickering across Remus's face as he took in Tansy's anguish.

'Minerva has gone to a meeting at the Ministry,' Remus said quietly, 'although I agree with you, Severus; it's probably a good idea to get her out of this situation. Molly's upstairs with the baby and Tansy's good with her too.'

'I'll send an owl to the Ministry,' Bill said, turning on his heal. When he reached the doorway, he turned back to his brother. 'Ron, I'm speaking as your Professor now, I am ordering you to get that cut checked out at the hospital wing.' Ignoring his youngest brother's angry response, he left the dungeon at top speed.

'Come on Ron. We'll go now. We'll come and see you later Tansy.' Granger and Weasley left the dungeon together.

Severus and Remus turned back to the bench where Potter was still supporting Tansy Laverstock.

'Tansy? It's okay sweetheart.' The girl looked up as Remus approached; her tears had finally stopped but she still seemed to be trembling violently. 'We're going upstairs. Let's get you out of this classroom. Up you get.' Severus was rather surprised as Remus's voice took on a blunt, authoritative tone. To his surprise however, the girl on the bench seemed to relax slightly when she heard the simple, concise instructions, and she staggered to her feet. He reasoned that Remus probably knew the best way of handling Tansy Laverstock when she was in a bad way.

'Careful, Miss Laverstock, take your time.' Severus reached out, just in time to steady the girl as her trembling knees pitched her forwards.

'I've got her, Professor.' Potter had slipped his arm around Tansy's waist and was all but carrying her out of the dungeon. Remus slipped in on her other side so that she was supported on both sides.

'Remus?' Severus bit his tongue; it had slipped out before he could prevent it.

'Yes Severus?' Remus said mildly, turning back to him.

'Would you mind, er, updating me tonight. I…' Severus gestured to the shaking girl. Remus nodded and smiled.

'Of course.'

* * *

Severus was actually quite surprised to see Draco Malfoy waiting for him beside his office door; the events of the Potions class had rather taken over and he'd forgotten their scheduled meeting. He pointed his wand at the door and it flew open with a bang, causing Draco to jump horribly. He looked like a bag of nerves and Severus suddenly wondered how many of the students had been damaged beyond repair by the events of the previous academic year.

'In.' Severus tried to soften the naturally harsh tone of his voice but Draco still flinched away from him as if he'd shouted. On close examination, the young man looked exhausted; his face was pinched and pale, and huge bruise-like shadows ringed his eyes. Draco had lost a lot of weight over the last year and his skin now looked taught over the bones of his face.

'Sir… is…?' Draco stammered. Severus shut the door behind them, swept over to his desk and sat down in the chair behind it.

'Yes?' He asked curtly.

'Is the girl…?' Draco started again. 'Is Laverstock okay? I mean after what just…' He trailed off as he saw the expression on Severus's face.

Severus looked at him in disbelief. An image of Tansy Laverstock cowering under the desk in the Potions laboratory flashed through his mind and he felt his lip curling of its own accord.

'Why would you ever think that she's okay Draco? After everything that she's been through?' Draco blanched and Severus saw the gleam of tears shining in his grey eyes as he dropped them to the dungeon floor. Nonetheless he did not regret his harsh words.

'I wish to discuss this.' Severus tapped the desk drawer once with his wand to open it and withdrew Draco's letter from inside. Draco looked up briefly and two pink spots appeared on his pale, sunken cheeks. Then he dropped his eyes to the floor once more.

'I'm sorry that I wrote to you.' Draco's voice was barely audible. 'I was…' He stuttered to a halt and scuffed the toe of his shoe over the floor.

'Draco, sit down.' Severus used his wand to pull out the chair opposite him. Draco gasped and fell into it, his shoulders heaving.

Emotions were never Severus's forte; he conjured a box of tissues in front of the other wizard and pretended to study his hands until the sobs had reduced and the tears had stopped. Only then did he feel that it was safe to look up and continue speaking.

'I understand that you are going through a difficult time, Draco.' Severus's lip curled of its own accord again. He tried unsuccessfully to uncurl it.

'I just…' Draco looked up suddenly, his face shining with tears, and Severus hastened to flatten out his expression.

'I'm sorry about the letter, Sir.' The boy wiped an impatient hand across his face. 'I just felt so alone and I was panicking. I… it was just something I overheard. I… forget about it. It's not important.'

Severus shook his head in total disbelief at the other wizard's words. Looking into Draco's eyes he could see the lie in them as plain as the nose in the centre of his face. Then, as he watched, a blank curtain fell, hiding the thoughts from view, and he could see no more.

'You say here that you believe that your aunt Bellatrix was responsible for the murder of George Weasley.' He shook the letter accusingly under Draco's nose, ignoring the way the young man winced away from him. 'Nothing new there, of course; you told the Ministry as much during your interview. But you also say that you believe that Tansy Laverstock witnessed the murder?'

'I'm not sure… I was…'

'Draco…!' Severus began forcefully, but he was interrupted.

'I was having a panic attack, Sir, I don't remember what I wrote!' The boy was definitely lying about something, Severus was sure of it.

'You can't just expect me to ignore what you wrote!' Severus's fist came down suddenly on the desk top and Draco flinched away from his anger as if he'd been struck.

'I don't know exactly what happened.' Draco gasped, stifling another sob. 'I wasn't there… Laverstock was… my father…' He trailed off again, seemingly unwilling to continue.

'Your father raped Miss Laverstock on multiple occasions.' Severus said harshly and Draco winced perceptively but nodded.

'And Aunt Bellatrix tortured her.' His voice was barely audible. 'I tried to stop them but...' He looked up beseechingly. '…my mother wrote to me just after I went back to Hogwarts after the Christmas break. She said that Aunt Bella had killed Weasley.' There was enough of the truth in the boy's eyes that Severus could not accuse him directly of lying.

'Did she say that Laverstock witnessed the murder?' The blank veil descended again, hiding the other wizard's thoughts once more, and Severus could not tell if his 'no' was a lie or not.

'So how…?'

'I overheard Aunt Bella talking to father when I was home for Easter.' Draco said, in a rush. 'She said that Laverstock's reaction to George Weasley being cursed had been entertaining. Then she saw me listening and told me to clear off. When I tried to question her, she gave me this…' Draco turned his head and Severus saw the long, thin line of a scar running from his ear, down his neck, and disappearing under the collar of his school uniform.

'That's when I knew that I had to do something.' Draco's voice rose, panic stricken. 'They buried him like an animal and I… I couldn't just leave him there! He didn't even have a grave stone, Professor!'

'So you made him one?'

Severus suddenly found himself relenting a little; the young wizard was clearly distraught and haunted by the part that he had had to play in the events of the Dark Lord's rise to power. Merlin, but Severus knew that he too had done things that he regretted in his life. Once upon a time, he too had been taken in by the Dark Lord and committed unspeakable acts in his name.

It was perhaps time to give Draco Malfoy a second chance. Not that Severus intended to let this matter drop entirely; Draco Malfoy clearly knew more about the murder of George Weasley than he had let on.

* * *

Please let me know what you think. Sorry about the longer wait between updates. I work in medical diagnostics so I'm currently quite busy (not surprising really because of what's happening in the world at the moment). I hope all of you are keeping well.


	11. Chapter 11

'Here you go sweetheart, get that down you.' Tansy shifted Hope's damp weight slightly so that she could take the mug of hot chocolate that Remus was offering her. She wondered idly if it was just hot chocolate or whether it had been laced with a calming draft of some kind. Then she realised that she was just too exhausted to care; if she could achieve emotional numbness by using a potion then she would take the break from the continual inner turmoil and take it gladly. She took a deep swig of the sweet, creamy liquid and felt herself shuddering slightly as the taste registered on her tongue. She realised she needed the sugar; she'd barely eaten that day, having been too worried about leaving Hope to go to classes.

They had been sat in Minerva and Tansy's sitting room for nearly half an hour. Harry, Mrs Weasley and Remus had gradually calmed Tansy down until she had stopped shaking and her breathing had become less erratic. When Mrs Weasley had finally deemed her safe and she had finally been allowed to hold her daughter, that had helped to calm her even more.

'I've got to go, Tansy,' Harry said regretfully, looking at his watch and standing up suddenly. 'I forgot that I'm supposed to help Hermione run a Prefect's meeting about how the first day back went. Then we have to discuss the excitement of the corridor duty schedules or something. I can't wait.' He pulled a face and fingered his head boy badge with a rueful expression. Then his expression brightened a little. 'Dobby told me that it's something good for dinner tonight though. The house elves are all really pleased to be back after their enforced holiday and they're cooking up a storm in the kitchens.'

'Hogwarts food is _always_ good.' Remus said cheerfully, standing up too. 'Better than my wife's but don't tell her I said so.' He clapped Harry on the shoulder. 'See you at dinner.'

'You're a modern man, Remus so why don't you cook for yourself?' Mrs Weasley questioned, a look of mock-outrage on her face.

'We swop turn and turn about,' Remus interjected quickly, holding out his hands in a pacifying gesture. 'Or rather we used to. Obviously now I'll be eating at the castle some evenings when I'm on duty. Anyhow, you're all invited for dinner or drinks or whatever once we've settled into our new house. Give us a week or two to get unpacked though.'

Remus and Tonks had just bought a small house off one of the quiet backstreets in Hogsmeade. Remus had shown Tansy and Minerva a photo of the small, thatched cottage the previous day. It had late summer roses growing round the front door and a small overgrown garden. It looked calm and peaceful and although its location was totally different, it reminded Tansy of the Welsh cottage that Sirius and Fred had bought for her two years ago.

'That'll be lovely, Remus,' Harry said, 'I'll bring the booze, oh…' He had glanced at his watch again. 'Hermione's going to feed me to the dragons. See you later Tan!'

'Thank you, Harry,' Tansy whispered, surprising herself, and everyone in the room with words; this was the first time she'd spoken since the Potions class.

'I'm afraid that I've got to go too,' Mrs Weasley said, heaving herself to her feet. 'Percy was supposed to hear back from his promotion application today. I'm sure it'll be good news and I want to surprise him with a nice dinner.' A look of sadness flickered briefly across her face but it vanished again in an instant. 'I'll see you tomorrow morning Tansy and I'll see you too Madam.' She tapped Hope's tiny nose gently and then brushed her microscopic tuft of auburn hair with a forefinger. 'You know, she reminds me so much of Ginny when she was a baby. The hair and the expressions on her tiny face…'

Tansy felt herself tensing and her ears tuned out. Although she twisted her head violently to try and restore her hearing to normal, the buzzing increased. Her hot chocolate sloshed over the side of the mug and onto the arm of the sofa. Ignoring her scalded fingers, Tansy stared at Mrs Weasley in horror, her ears totally refusing to register what the other witch was saying for a few seconds.

'…whoops.' Mrs Weasley took the mug from Tansy's uncomprehending fingers and used her wand to conjure a cloth out of thin air. 'It's okay dear, how's the hand?' Tansy ignored the question and Mrs Weasley used the cloth to wipe the chocolate off the girl's fingers and off the arm of the sofa. Finally, she wiped the bottom of the mug.

'What's the matter, dear?' Tansy flinched away as Mrs Weasley used her free hand to sweep a lock of Tansy's wild, curly hair out of the girl's face so that she could peer more closely at her.

'Molly, Tansy's had a bad day.' Remus shot a concerned look towards the young witch and Mrs Weasley nodded sympathetically.

'I know, dear.' She put the mug down on the coffee table beside the arm of the sofa. 'Things will get easier love. 'I'll see you both tomorrow.' She leaned in and kissed Tansy's forehead and then touched Hope's forehead once more, in a gesture of farewell. Then she turned away.

She had just reached the door when she turned back.

'I almost forgot. Fred said that he would visit you this evening. He's sorry that he hasn't been for a couple of days. He's trying to reopen the shop and I think he's finding it quite hard without…' Her eyes filled with tears and she groped for her hankie. 'Anyway, I hope that you feel better soon.' Mrs Weasley turned and left the room before Tansy could even react to the news that Fred would be visiting later or the mention of George's name.

'Tansy?' Remus had taken Harry's vacated chair directly opposite to where Tansy was sat. Tansy looked away from his intense expression. Outside the castle grounds and the lake looked stunning in the afternoon sunlight and she could see that several groups of students had taken their homework outside for an hour of study before dinner.

'Tansy?' Remus asked again, his voice soft, almost pleading. Tansy couldn't bear the tone of his voice and she looked round quickly.

'I'm… I'm sorry, Remus.' It seemed to be her default response to everything these days. She had to apologise for everything; her failure as a witch, her failure as a mother and her failure as a human being. Her sheer inability to cope with life.

'Merlin, Tansy? Whatever for? You don't have to be sorry for anything.' Remus sounded emotional. 'I'm the one who should be sorry, love. I had no idea and I didn't notice that you weren't using your wand. I didn't think…' He swallowed, wiped at his eyes and then seemed to shake himself. Then he did the typically-Remus-thing; he was never one to ruminate over something that had already happened in the past. Remus was more of a problem solver, immediately moving on and working through the issue until a solution was found.

'We need to find a way for you to move on from this. We can do it together.' He said firmly. 'You can do it Tansy. We just need to find a way to get you over this small hurdle.'

Tansy imagined herself holding the handle of her ebony wand and raising it in the air ready to cast a spell. Immediately, her breathing became erratic and she felt her earlier shakes returning with a vengeance. Fog descended in front of her eyes and she jerked her free hand up to her face to rub it away. Her ears tuned out and a strange buzzing seemed to fill her head. Dimly, she was aware of someone pulling the baby out of her arms. Tansy fought to hold on to her; Hope was the only thing grounding her to the situation. Whoever it was persevered and they were stronger than she was. With a sense of numbing despair, Tansy felt the baby being taken away. She was alone in the fog once more.

'Deep breaths Tansy. Try to calm down. I'm here now.' A familiar voice penetrated through the buzzing in Tansy's ears; Minerva had returned. Tansy blinked and her adoptive mother's concerned face swam into view. Minerva was still wearing her outside cloak and hat and she smelled of autumnal leaf mould. Tansy gulped in air like a half-drowned person and tried to follow Minerva's instructions to breathe deeply and evenly.

'I…' She tried to explain through chattering teeth because she was sure that if she could only tell them that it was impossible then they would leave her alone. If she could only tell them that this was something that couldn't be fixed then they would give her up as a lost cause and leave her in peace. Perhaps they would even give her back her daughter.

Remus, cradling Hope securely in one arm conjured a blanket out of thin air and draped it over Tansy's shoulders. Tansy was still struggling to find the words to explain why she couldn't bring herself to touch her wand. In the end she gave up and settled for something else instead.

'Ears tune out… my eyes go fuzzy… fog… it fills everything…' The two adults looked at each other with concerned expressions but Tansy was too far gone to feel embarrassed. She reached her arms out towards the baby. 'Please… Remus… I need…' She felt a single tear sliding down her cheek.

'Tansy, we need to discuss what just happened in your Potions class.' Minerva began.

'Please, I need…' The two adults exchanged looks again. '…she helps me to fight the fog.'

'Tansy, will you listen to me please…?' Remus had handed the baby back to Tansy but Minerva immediately placed her hands on her, clearly untrusting of Tansy's ability to hold Hope safely.

Tansy suddenly felt an uncharacteristic stab of fury towards her adoptive mother and choked suddenly; it was so intense and such a change from her usual emotions that it took her by surprise. For the first time since waking up in the hospital wing a month before, she felt a sense of her old stubbornness rising up inside her.

'…we will help you to use your magic again.' Minerva had been talking for a while but Tansy only caught the tail end of what she'd been saying. Tansy looked up at her despairingly. '…if we start small, maybe some easy Transfiguration spells or something then perhaps…?' Minerva's voice tuned out.

'…I know it's hard but we can fix this.' That was Remus speaking. Tansy looked up and caught his eyes and held them. A look of hope flickered across his face as Tansy finally seemed to acknowledge the things that they were saying to her.

'You can't fix this, Remus…' Tansy's voice was soft but firm. '… you can't fix something that's broken beyond repair.' She watched as the look of hope vanished from his face, crushed by her words.

Tansy stared him down. Her ears had filled with white noise again and it wasn't until she felt Minerva pulling the baby gently out of her arms that Tansy realised that Hope had finally woken up. The baby was twisting awkwardly in her mother's tight embrace, kicking her tiny legs in discomfort and grasping at the air with her starfish hands. Tansy could see that her back and legs were stained yellow from where her nappy had leaked. Now that she was focused again, she could smell it too, and she wrinkled her nose automatically.

'Tansy, let me take her. She needs changing.'

Tansy shook her head numbly and pulled the baby tightly into her chest, causing her to squawk with discomfort. She was determined that she should be the one to sort out her daughter; Tansy felt as though she had barely been present in Hope's life today. Other people had fed her, changed her and comforted her while Tansy attended her classes. She staggered to her feet, the blanket sliding off her shoulders to the floor, and swayed as a wave of vertigo hit her. Both Minerva and Remus reached out concerned hands to steady her but Tansy shrugged them off.

'I… I want to do it... for Hope… she's mine…' Tansy gave up trying to explain why it was so important to her and made her way shakily over to her bedroom. She could feel the concerned eyes of Remus and Minerva burning into her back as she went.

Once she reached the bathroom, Tansy looked down at her tiny daughter and knew immediately that she would have to run her a bath. Clutching Hope securely to her chest, she leaned over and twisted the bath taps to turn on the water. As she leaned in further to put in the plug, another wave of dizziness hit her and she jerked upright, banging her elbow painfully on the corner of the changing table. She glanced down in dismay at the baby, aware of just how close she'd been to knocking Hope's head against the table. Her daughter's face was screwed up in discomfort and she was crying properly by this point. Her whole lower half was stained a sick kind of yellow and the front and sleeve of Tansy's robes were also smeared. Tansy suddenly realised that she was crying too. She slid down the wall and brought up her knees so that the baby would be safe and let the tears fall.

It was some minutes before she moved and then it was only the knowledge that her daughter couldn't be left in her current predicament that forced her to her feet once more. She knew that she couldn't do it on her own. Biting her lip against the sobs that threatened to take over her entire body, Tansy walked back to the bathroom door and across her bedroom. The two Professors were sat exactly where she had left them, talking intently. They both looked up as they heard Hope's plaintive cries.

'I… I can't do…' Tansy struggled to get the words out. 'Please can you help me?' Once the words were said, it was the easiest thing in the world to let her adoptive mother encircle both her and the baby in her arms and lead them back, through the bedroom and into the bathroom.

* * *

An hour later, Tansy and Minerva sat opposite each other across the tiny table in their living room. Hope had been bathed and fed and she now lay contentedly asleep in a wicker Moses basket beside the sofa. Tansy had also taken a shower and Minerva had produced a brand-new pair of fleecy pajamas for her to put on. Despite the mild September evening, Tansy felt chilled and shivery and it felt comforting and safe to be wrapped in the soft material.

'Try and eat a few more bites please, Tansy.' Tansy waited until Minerva had looked back towards her own plate and used the fork to move the sausage casserole around the plate; Harry had been right and the food tonight really was delicious but she still had very little appetite today. 'That doesn't just mean move it about your plate.' Tansy looked up to see Minerva looking disapprovingly at her.

'I… I'm sorry. I'm not hungry.' Tansy looked miserably down at her plate.

'How about some of Molly's cake? She's made you a lemon drizzle, your favourite.' Tansy looked over to the kitchenette and was quite surprised to see the enormous cake tin; she'd been too preoccupied to notice it before. Minerva used her wand and summoned it over to the table and when she removed the lid, Tansy saw that the cake inside was indeed her favourite; a moist, lemony sponge, sandwiched with a rich lemon curd and topped with crunchy lemon icing and candied lemon peel. To her surprise, her mouth started to water in anticipation. Minerva used her wand to cut Tansy a large slice and then cut herself a smaller one. The cake was moist and delicious and it slid down quickly and easily, as did the second slice that Minerva placed on Tansy's plate when the girl had demolished the first.

It wasn't until they had both finished eating and had moved over to the sofa that Minerva broached the topic of the Potions class again.

'Tansy, I know you've had a very difficult day but we need to discuss what happened during your Potions class.' Tansy felt her heart sinking. 'Will you tell me what happened?' Tansy took a deep breath; she could feel her earlier fear and anxiety grumbling disconsolately under the surface but she felt slightly calmer now and she had always trusted Minerva McGonagall more than anybody else.

'I…' She hesitated, trying to find the right words.

'Take your time, Tansy.' Minerva moved herself closer to the young witch and placed a hand on her shoulder.

'I… I can't use a wand… I knew I couldn't…' Tansy stammered.

'Is that why you left it up here?' Minerva asked gently and she slid Tansy's wand out of her pocket and placed it in the young witch's lap. Tansy recoiled as if Minerva had placed a venomous snake there instead of an inanimate object.

'I can't. It makes me… I go back _there_. I remember…' Tansy drew in a deep, shaking breath. Although the words were painful, once they were out in the open, she felt a certain lightness. 'In Potions… I went back there…'

'You remembered the last time you held a wand.' Minerva said quietly.

'And what I nearly did with it, Professor!' Tansy said desperately. 'I nearly… I nearly betrayed everyone!'

'You _saved_ everyone,' Minerva said firmly. 'Without you many lives would've been lost. We might even have lost the war. Tansy what you did that night on the castle lawn, what you did with that wand was incredible! You saved us all!'

'But I…'

'You remembered who you are. You used that wand to protect your friends. You used your magic for good, Tansy.' Minerva hesitated and then she slid off the sofa and, wincing slightly at her creaking knees, she moved herself round so that she could kneel in front of Tansy. Their faces were on the same level and Tansy was forced to look her adoptive mother in the eyes.

'Tansy, I'm not going to force you to do anything that you don't want to do. But I am going to remind you of something.' Tansy looked into Minerva's determined green eyes, suddenly feeling slightly afraid of what she was about to be told. 'Your magic is a part of your very soul. You cannot abandon it now any more than you can stop your heart from beating and still live. Whether you use it intentionally or not, your magic will always find a way out. Look at what happened in Potions today when Mr Weasley tried to restrain you!' Tansy felt her cheeks warming and a feeling of shame swept through her as she remembered how she'd unintentionally flung Ron across the room.

'It is far better if you use it in a controlled and deliberate way, Tansy. Otherwise it will start to control you. It could do a lot of damage.'

Minerva McGonagall looked into the young witch's deep blue eyes for a few seconds, as if she was making sure that Tansy had understood the importance of her words. Then she placed something else in Tansy's lap and sank back onto her heals. Tansy stared at the object for a few seconds and understanding suddenly dawned on her. With a hand that shook, she picked up her ebony wand and pointed it at the thing.

Tansy never knew how long it took her to summon up to courage to cast the spell but it felt like hours. Minerva waited in silence, letting Tansy work through her fears and summon her courage without interruption.

' _Acris argenti_!' Tansy thought the words clearly in her mind, jabbing the ebony wand.

The muggle matchstick in her lap turned silver and a pointy.

* * *

Thank you so much for your reviews; you have no idea how much they inspire me and cheer me up! I'm feeling a bit like Tansy at the moment; so stressed and anxious about what's happening in the world right now and work being so busy too. Thank you again for my reviews!


	12. Chapter 12

**Trigger Warning**

Tansy sat cross-legged on her four-poster bed watching the sun sinking behind the mountains beyond the lake. A golden glow lit up the castle grounds, glittering off the surface of the water in a sunlit path, as straight as if it had been laid by a ruler. Tansy wondered how it would feel to step onto it and walk up and away into the sky.

Hope gurgled and Tansy looked down at her – the baby was lying on the bed in front of her. She was kicking her legs happily and grasping at the air with her tiny starfish hands as she tried to focus on the huge teddy bear beside her.

'Auntie Hermione gave you that,' Tansy said quietly, stroking her daughter's face with a forefinger. Hope immediately turned her head towards the finger, her mouth opening and closing like a baby bird's, looking for milk. 'Are you hungry again?' Tansy asked softly, letting her daughter catch her finger in her mouth. As Hope sucked energetically on the finger, Tansy glanced at the bedside table. The day had felt endless but it was actually only seven o'clock in the evening and there was still another hour before Hope was due a feed.

'Tansy?' Tansy looked over to the door and saw that Minerva had appeared in the open doorway. She was watching Tansy interacting with her daughter with a look of happiness on her face. 'I'm going next door to my office. I have a meeting with Professor Snape. Will you be alright here for a bit? I won't be long.' Tansy nodded and glanced dispassionately at the huge pile of textbooks on the desk; she didn't think that she had enough brain power to start tackling her homework tonight. At any rate, she wasn't even prepared to try while Hope was awake. Tansy felt as though she'd missed enough of her daughter's day already.

'Mr Weasley should be here soon. He knows the password and I told him to let himself in.' Minerva said, in a low voice. Tansy felt herself paling slightly and a sudden twinge of her earlier panic twisted inside her chest. Minerva was an expert at reading Tansy's facial expressions. However, where Fred Weasley was concerned, she always chose to ignore them. She looked levelly at the young witch. 'He won't stay long, Tansy. He cares about you a lot and he just wants to see how the first day back went.' Minerva sighed, as if she had just remembered what had happened during Potions class.

When she had left, Tansy looked back at her daughter and tried to summon her earlier feeling of peace. The baby seemed to be fascinated by her mother's wild black curls and she grasped at the hair with tiny, uncoordinated hands. She seemed to like it when Tansy leaned forwards and flicked the soft curls over her face and they sat together in a contented silence for several minutes. Then, Hope's tiny face crumpled slightly and she whimpered and Tansy realised that she wasn't going to get away with making her daughter wait another hour for her milk.

'Come on then, let's get you a bottle.' Tansy swung her legs off the bed and stood up carefully. Then she picked up Hope and laid her gently over her shoulder. The baby wriggled and whimpered again, her fists tangling in Tansy's hair. One handed, Tansy sorted out Hope's feed and then sank down on the sofa, arranging the baby on a pillow so that she was at the correct angle to drink.

'There you go.' Hope started sucking hungrily at the bottle. Tansy stared down at her, amazed at how perfect she was. 'I love…'

The door of the apartment opened with a creak and Tansy jerked involuntarily, swinging round as Fred walked into the room. The bottle slipped out of Hope's mouth, the warm milk splattering all over her face and the pillow, and she immediately began to cry.

'Hey, it's okay little one.' Fred said, walking over to where Tansy was sitting and sinking down in the armchair opposite her. Tansy tried to get the bottle back into Hope's mouth but she was too tense and the baby was crying too hard. 'Not having a good day, eh?' Fred asked, his face concerned. Tansy glanced up at him, winced, and looked back down at her daughter's furious face.

'Mum told me what happened in Potions. I'm sorry Tan.' Tansy shrugged and pushed the bottle gently into Hope's open mouth, praying that she'd take it and start drinking peacefully again. The baby immediately spat it out.

 _Just take it, please just take it._ Tansy silently begged her daughter, trying again. Hope's face was bright red and screwed up. Even before she rejected the bottle again, Tansy could tell that it was impossible; she was too tense, too wound up and Hope was too angry. She wished that Fred would leave so that they could both calm down. Still refusing to look at him, she placed the bottle on the side table and picked the baby up and laid her over her shoulder. Hope's cries subsided into whimpers as Tansy rubbed her back in small circles.

 _There… that's better._ Tansy tried to say the words out loud but they caught in her throat and made her choke.

'Tansy? I know it's been a hard day for you. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.' Silence greeted Fred's words. Tansy automatically continued rubbing Hope's back as the baby grumbled disconsolately into her hair.

'Tansy?' Fred asked questioningly. Then he changed tact. 'I've been working in the shop with Lee. I think we should be ready to reopen by the end of the month. I…' His voice cracked slightly and Tansy could tell that he was fighting tears. She stared determinately at the red and gold patterned carpet, her inner anxiety growing. 'I'm just finding it so hard without him, Tansy. It's so hard doing it on my own. I miss him so much.'

Fog was filling Tansy's mind at an alarming rate. George's face swam in front of her eyes; George's face, alight with anticipation as he forced himself on her. Then, the light went out of his eyes. The pressure of his body on hers became a dead weight, pinning her to the floor. A trickle of blood ran out of his ear and down his neck. Her mind was playing tricks on her; she could no longer tell true memory from one of her many nightmares. With a gargantuan effort she pulled herself back to the present.

'Tansy, please will you say something?' Confused, Tansy used her free hand to rub violently at her eyes and she shook her head, trying to recentre herself. She placed the baby down on the empty seat beside her because she could feel herself starting to tremble and she was afraid she would accidentally hurt her daughter. 'Tansy? Please? Do you even care?' Tansy shook her head again, only dimly aware of Fred's continued questioning.

'Tansy? Why…?!' Fred's sadness had turned to anger and it was directed at her. Like a recoiled elastic band, Tansy snapped back into herself as the waves of his emotion broke over her head. Fear and adrenaline swept through her causing every muscle in her body to tense.

'Do you…? What have I done? It's like you don't even care about me at all anymore! It's not like I'm asking for the moon, Tansy! Just a little sympathy and understanding but that's beyond you isn't it? We could help each other through this! You aren't the only one who's hurting!' He stood up, slamming his fist into the arm of the chair. Then he advanced on her his fists clenched, his whole body trembling with fury. 'We were partners Tansy! We mended once before and I thought we could get through it this time too but now I'm starting to think this is the end! You won't speak to me! You won't even look at me! What did I do?'

Tansy forced herself to raise her eyes to his face as he towered over her and stared at him blankly.

 _It's what I did. It's not you at all._

The door of the apartment flew open and Minerva McGonagall rushed into the room, closely followed by Severus Snape.

'Mr Weasley! What are you doing?'

'Calm down, Mr Weasley! Come away from Tansy!'

Ignoring the two Professors, Fred stared down into Tansy's blank eyes.

'I only want to help you!' Tears had started flowing freely down his face. 'Please let me help you! Why can't you speak to me? Why can't you look at me?'

'That's enough, Fred, come away now.' Minerva stepped forward and ushered him out of the room. Tansy's eyes remained fixed to the place where he had been standing. His words still reverberated around her head.

'Miss Laverstock?' Severus Snape stepped into her line of view. 'Miss Laverstock? Are you okay?' Tansy stared blankly at him for several seconds. Then she dropped her eyes to her trembling hands and nodded. To her embarrassment she realised her pajama bottoms were soaking wet although she had no recollection of loosing control of herself during Fred's outburst.

'Tansy, Fred's sorry about what he said. He didn't mean it. He's under a huge amount of strain at the moment.' Minerva had returned and she now took Fred's vacated chair in front of Tansy.

'It's true…' Both the Professors had to lean in to hear Tansy's almost inaudible whisper. 'What he said was true. I _can't_ speak to him. I _can't_ look at him.' A feeling of filthy shame was starting to creep over her. She felt tainted with the knowledge of what she had done and the events that had provoked her crazed behaviour. She stood up suddenly, taking both Minerva and Severus by surprise. 'I… I need a shower.' Without looking back, Tansy stumbled out of the room.

Slamming the bathroom door behind her, she pulled off her clothes with a desperate urgency. Then she climbed into the shower, hitting blindly at the on button with her first. The shock of the icy water jolted her out of the fog and for several seconds she felt in control of herself. Then, as the water warmed, she felt the fog trickling back through her mind. Fred's words reverberated around her head. George's face, alight with a sick anticipation swam in front of her eyes. She remembered how he had pinned her beneath him and shoved her legs apart with his knee and forced himself into her. Tansy retched and fell to her hands and knees, the warm water still flowing over her back. She remembered the insane, unstoppable anger that had bubbled through her as she pushed him off her and banged his head against the floor. She remembered the fiery need to hurt him as he had hurt her and the way that she continued to punish him even when the life had left his body an empty shell.

Tansy struggled to her feet again, looking around for anything that would help her to fight the darkness of the memories that had overtaken her mind. The full-length mirror on the back of the door was fogged with steam. An electric burst of energy suddenly flowed through her and she gasped throwing her palm out towards her distorted reflection. With a loud crack, the mirror shattered. Tansy dragged herself out of the bath, but, as she stepped onto the floor, she slipped on the wet tiles, crashing down among the splintered glass.

The pain the followed came as a relief.

* * *

Minerva McGonagall's POV

The two Professors looked at each other in silence. Then, still without saying a word Severus flicked his wand at the sofa cushion where Tansy had been sat. It immediately rose into the air, stripped itself of it's cover and then both cushion and cover vanished into thin air. Minerva knew that he'd sent them directly to the castle laundry.

Minerva stood up, crossed over to the sofa and picked up Hope and the baby bottle. Then she returned to the armchair and, with half of her mind focused on the baby in her arms, and the other half fixated on the young woman who had just exited the room, she started to feed Hope rather haphazardly. When Hope finally turned her head away, refusing the bottle, Minerva lifted her up onto her shoulder for winding. As she rubbed the baby's back in gentle, rhythmical circles, Minerva glanced at Severus. He was still standing in the exact same position, staring silently at her.

'That was extremely distressing, Minerva,' he finally said, his black eyes flashing at her. 'I know that Mr Weasley has lost his twin and is under an immense amount of strain but Miss Laverstock is still extremely unwell and an outburst like that will do her more harm than good and what he did terrified her to the point of…' He gestured to the bare sofa.

Minerva nodded – she was torn between rage and pity and the two emotions warred through her mind as she thought of Fred Weasley's outburst.

'Fred's aware that losing control is probably the least helpful thing under the circumstances.' Minerva said, getting up and gently laying the baby in the Moses basket by the sofa. She winced as she remembered Fred's anguish as she escorted him out of the room. Then she sighed. 'Just when we'd finally made some sort of positive progress with Tansy too…' She suddenly felt every one of many years. 'I'm going to see if she's okay, Severus.' She glanced quickly at the baby, pleased to see that she was staring fixedly at the dancing dust-motes lit up by the light of the setting sun. Then she made her way as quickly as her creaking knees would allow her over to Tansy's bedroom.

Nearly twenty minutes had passed since Tansy had left the room but Minerva could hear that the water of the shower was still running as she crossed over to the bathroom door. She knocked quietly once.

'Tansy? Are you okay in there? You've been a long time.' There was no answer and the shower continued to run. Minerva felt the first prickling of alarm. 'Tansy?' Minerva pushed gently at the door, then, even more alarmed at finding it locked, she pulled out her wand.

'Alohomora!' A wall of steam hit her as the bathroom door swung open and her glasses immediately fogged over. Minerva cast a nonverbal spell to wipe them clean and stared into the room. Her heart leapt into her mouth as she took in the scene in front of her; shards of glass littered the floor. Tansy, naked and still wet form the shower, was curled up in the middle of the glass, a pool of blood and water rapidly spreading out across the floor away from her.

'Tansy!' Minerva approached her quickly and placed a hand on the girl's shaking shoulder. 'I'm here now. What have you done?' She looked down at the girl's naked body but there was too much blood to make out the nature of her injuries. 'Severus!'

Severus entered at a run, swore loudly and immediately used his wand to sweep the shards of glass into the corner of the room. Then he dropped to his knees beside Tansy.

'Miss Laverstock, what have you done?' He repeated Minerva's question.

The girl looked up at him in bewildered confusion. She seemed to be barely aware of the situation; too far gone even to feel embarrassed by her nakedness. Minerva felt it for her and quickly wrapped a towel around her adoptive daughter's shoulders.

Severus had found the main source of the bleeding; a deep cut on Tansy's thigh and he immediately started to croon the spell that would start the blood clotting and the healing process. Shards of bloodstained glass plinked to the floor as the wound magically expelled them. On closer examination, Minerva could see a multitude of smaller cuts over Tansy's hands and arms and she used her wand to send a Patronus down to the hospital wing for Madam Pomfrey, knowing instinctively that a blood replenishing potion would be needed.

Severus had finished healing the thigh wound and he now turned to the deepest of the cuts on Tansy's left forearm.

'How did this happen, Miss Laverstock?' He asked, tersely, summoning a bottle of dittany from the cupboard and gently dripping it into the wounds. Tansy stared at him for several seconds, as if she was having trouble focusing on his face. She seemed to be on the verge of falling asleep. 'Try to stay awake now. How did this happen?' His face betrayed no emotion at all, although it was clear to Minerva what he was thinking; they were both thinking the same thing.

Tansy stared at him, bewildered by the questioning and blinked rapidly.

'What happened Tansy?' Minerva asked softly, turning Tansy's head so that she was forced to look her adoptive mother in the eyes. In her heart, Minerva thought that she already knew the answer.

'I… I fell over…' Tansy muttered. 'I landed in the glass.' Severus and Minerva exchanged deeply disbelieving looks. 'The mirror exploded. I wanted…' Tansy's voice faded away as she struggled to remain conscious.

'Try to stay awake, Miss Laverstock.' Severus repeated, in a quiet voice.

'Did you want to hurt yourself, Tansy?' Minerva asked. In spite of her efforts to remain in control of the situation her voice shook slightly as she voiced the question.

'No! Yes! I don't know!' Tansy shook her head violently. 'I wanted to stop thinking but… I don't know!' Her voice rose slightly in her panic. 'The fog… the darkness. I can't fight it, Professor! Help me…'

Both Severus and Minerva reached for the girl together as Tansy's eyes rolled back in her head and she slumped backwards against the bath, having finally succumbed to peaceful unconsciousness.

* * *

Thank you so much for my reviews! They really inspire me. I hope all of you are staying safe and well. Like Tansy, I'm not sure myself if this was a deliberate self-harm attempt. Fred is going through a very hard time too and things were bound to get on top of him.


	13. Chapter 13

Fred Weasley POV

A persistent knocking broke across the cloud of unconsciousness and Fred jerked awake, sitting up so suddenly that he cricked his neck. He was slightly disgusted to find that he'd fallen asleep at the kitchen table, one hand still curled possessively around an empty fire whisky bottle. Now that he was conscious, he remembered buying the alcohol in the Hog's Head before he'd apparated himself home. Last night, he'd felt as though he couldn't live without the booze induced numbness and he had broken his month of sobriety in one foul swoop. He'd only meant to have one. This morning, his head throbbed and his mouth felt like sandpaper.

The knocking went on, reverberating around his aching head. Blearily, Fred realised that there was somebody at the front door and wondered who it could be; most of his family and friends automatically came round to the back door and let themselves in through the utility room. With what felt like a gargantuan effort, he pushed the chair back and staggered to his feet. His stomach churned with the change in motion and he had to swallow several times before he could be sure that he wasn't going to be sick.

'I'm coming,' he muttered, as his had throbbed in time with the insistent knocking. He deposited the empty firewhisky bottle in the sink and then made his way slowly over to the front door. When he pulled it open, the bright morning sunlight assaulted his eyes and he blinked stupidly at the shadowy figure standing on the threshold.

'Good morning Fred,' Percy's voice said stiffly; Percy always enjoyed the formalities of visiting family which was probably why he had chosen to come to the front door.

Fred hoped that the bright light would make it impossible for his brother to see past him into the shadowy interior of the cottage – last night's dirty dishes littered the sideboard and there was that whisky bottle too. Fred suddenly wished that he had chosen a better hiding place; he was disgusted enough at himself for resorting to drink again and he neither needed nor wanted his family's judgement. Last night he had seen no other escape from his thoughts. He hated himself for what he had said to Tansy and how badly he'd frightened her. He missed George so much he thought his heart was breaking. The numbness the alcohol had brought had been a blessed relief.

'Good morning Fred,' Percy said again, even more stiffly. 'I came to see if you were okay. Lee Jordan flooed mother to say that you hadn't arrived in work this morning and you hadn't answered your home floo. You didn't answer mother when she called either…' Percy made no attempt to disguise the disapproval in his voice and Fred felt another stab of guilt, this time at the unnecessary worry that he'd caused his mother.

'It's turned off… I missed last month's payment. I'm fine; I er… I overslept.'

'Fred, I know you had a difficult night.' Percy looked meaningfully over Fred's shoulder and into the messy kitchen. Following his brother's eyes, Fred saw the second empty whisky bottle standing in the centre of the table illuminated by a pool of sunlight.

'I didn't mean to worry mum,' Fred said miserably, all bravado and pretence vanishing as his head gave a particularly nasty throb. 'Is she okay, Perce? Why didn't she come herself if she was so worried?'

'She's gone to Hogwarts.' Percy said awkwardly. 'Tansy… I think she was unwell in the night.'

'Unwell…?' Fred felt a spike of anxiety; 'unwell' with Tansy usually meant a relapse and he knew how Tansy's relapses usually manifested themselves.

'She's okay, Fred. Professor McGonagall and Professor Snape were there.'

'What did she do to herself?' Fred had asked the question before he could stop himself. Did he _really_ want to know the details? Whatever she had done to herself had undoubtedly been as a result of the horrible things he'd screamed at her.

'I… I don't know.' Percy said unconvincingly. Fred felt yesterday's emotions bubbling up again at his brother's evasiveness. He didn't know if he wanted to shout and scream or sink down in a blubbering mess against the door frame.

'Yes, you do, Percy. What did she do to herself?' Fred asked, fighting to keep his voice steady. Percy drew himself up to his full hEight and looked at his brother through his horn-rimmed spectacles. He seemed to be sizing Fred up, as if wondering how much of the truth his brother could handle.

'Just tell me or I will apparate straight to Hogwarts this minute.' It was an empty threat; Fred knew that he had barely made it to the front door without vomiting. Apparition would definitely be beyond his immediate capabilities. Percy was, however, too dense to see the empty threat.

'Okay, fine! They found her in the bathroom with cuts all over her legs and arms.' Fred groaned at his brother's words and Percy hastened to continue. 'SteadY on Fred; they don't know whether it was an accident or not because the bathroom mirror had broken and there was glass everywhere.' Percy raised his hands in a pacifying gesture as he tried to reassure his brother. His glasses had steamed up slightly, a sure sign that he was sweating. 'Remus was quite adamant about that when he dropped by to tell mum what had happened this morning. It might have been an accident… but she hasn't woken up yet so they haven't been able to talk to her and…'

'I was horrible to her, Perce.' Fred said, interrupting Percy. 'She did it because of me. I… I said some really awful things… I made her… she was so frightened she…' Suddenly there was nothing Fred could do to stop the tears from rolling down his cheeks. Blindly, he felt his brother taking his elbow and steering him back into the cottage.

'Fred…' Percy couldn't seem to think of anything else to say in comfort. The sheer hopelessness of the situation made Fred want to scream and pummel something. He felt another wave of the same sudden and unreasonable anger that had swept over him the previous day and jerked his arm away from Percy's, shoving his brother violently away from him so that Percy staggered into the kitchen sideboard.

'Leave me alone!' His head throbbed violently as his voice rose in volume and nausea gripped him. He turned blindly and staggered to the sink and retched. 'Just go Percy.' He turned, wiping his mouth with the sleeve of his soiled robes and glared at his brother, defiant that he should witness him in this state.

'If you think that I'm going to leave you when…' Percy began.

'Just go! I don't want you here! Stop pretending to care!' Fred yelled.

'I do care!' Percy had suddenly lost his composure and he bellowed back.

'I miss him so much! I just want him back! He shouldn't have died!' Fred felt himself crumpling against the draining board. He heard Percy's footsteps coming towards him across the tiled kitchen floor and felt his hand closing around his elbow again. For some reason, the touch infuriated him.

'I miss him too, Fred, we all do! I suppose that we all have to learn to move on now. It's what he would've wanted. He wouldn't want us to be sad.' Percy was clearly fighting to keep his own anger in check.

'How do you have any idea what he would've wanted?' Fred demanded, knowing full well that his brother spoke the truth, but needing an outlet to vent his anger nonetheless. He wrenched his arm away from his brother and glared at him through his tears. 'You hadn't spoken to him properly for years! You hadn't spoken to any of us for years! Even before you left us you never knew him as I did!'

'I just…' Percy began but Fred's anger crashed over his head again, before he could continue.

'He shouldn't be dead! It shouldn't have been him! It should've been you! You were the one who betrayed us. You were the traitor who deserved to die!' Fred choked suddenly, too late to stop the deadly words from tumbling out of his mouth. The accusation hung in the silent air between them. Fred could see that his brother had gone white.

'Don't you think I already know that?' Percy said finally. His voice had dropped in pitch and it was icy cold. 'Don't you realise that I've thought the same thing every day since we found his grave in the Manor grounds? I would give anything, _anything_ , to change places with him.' He gulped and tears suddenly overflowed from his eyes. He didn't bother to wipe them away as they cascaded down his cheeks. 'But I can't Fred! He's gone and there's nothing I can do to bring him back again! He died and we are the ones who survived. And now we have to help each other because we're stronger together.'

Fred felt his anger deflating like a pricked balloon and instinctively he stepped forwards and wrapped his arms awkwardly around his older brother.

* * *

Tansy's POV

Tansy woke slowly but as soon as she was aware of her surroundings, she could tell that she'd been asleep for a longer stretch than she'd managed since waking up in the hospital wing a month ago. Her eyelids felt like lead and it took her several attempts before she finally managed to prise them open. The curtains of her room were pulled across, leaving only a narrow crack for the strong September sunlight to penetrate through. It illuminated her surroundings enough for Tansy to see that she was alone in her room; the baby crib beside her bed was empty.

Hesitantly, Tansy sat up and pushed her legs out of the bed. Then, still moving slowly for fear that her change in posture would cause a wave of vertigo, she stood up and crossed over to the window and tweaked back the curtains. Immediately, the sunlight seemed to poke her in both eyes and she drew them shut again, blinking quickly. That one, quick, glance had been enough to give her all the information that she needed – the sun was directly over the clock tower which meant that it was just after one o'clock; morning classes were about to finish. Tansy was desperate to find Hope and to reassure herself that her daughter had been looked after as she slept but first, she had more pressing concerns to deal with; she crossed swiftly to the bathroom and pulled the door shut behind her so that she could use the toilet.

As she pulled down her pajama bottoms, Tansy saw the new diagonal scar running down her left thigh and the events of the previous night suddenly returned to her. Glancing up quickly, she saw that the mirror hanging on the back of the door was smooth and perfect once again. Her own pale, worried, face stared back at her, her sad eyes almost lost in the deep shadows that ringed them.

'Tansy, dear?' Mrs Weasley's concerned voice broke through Tansy's thoughts and the bathroom door swung open. Tansy jumped up, swiftly pulling up her pants and pajama bottoms. 'Oh, I _am_ sorry, dear. I thought…' Mrs Weasley blushed and Tansy felt herself growing hot with embarrassment too. Nonetheless, she was extremely relieved to see that the other witch held Hope in her arms. The baby was sleeping peacefully and looked none the worse for her time away from her mother.

Tansy quickly washed and dried her hands and then swiftly approached the other witch so she could take the baby. She stared down into her tiny daughter's peaceful face, feeling a sense of calm sweeping over her. Even the memories of the events of the previous night fell away from her.

'Do you want some breakfast, dear or would you rather go straight to lunch?' Mrs Weasley asked, as Tansy followed her back through the bedroom and into the living area. With half of her mind still focussed on the baby in her arms, Tansy analysed the question, coming swiftly to the conclusion that she honestly didn't care; she didn't feel at all hungry. She shrugged in response but then flinched away as the other woman's mouth thinned.

'You need to eat something; you're fading away, dear. I'll order you a selection of breakfast items and we'll go from there.' She flicked her wand and, less than a minute later, there was a loud crack and a house elf, wearing a tea towel stamped with the Hogwarts crest appeared out of thin air, carrying a huge tray of food.

'Here you go Mistress Cassiopeia.' Tansy jerked so violently that Hope startled awake and started crying. She stared at the elf in total disbelief. In spite of the new Hogwarts uniform, his snout-like nose and the fluffy white hair sticking out from his sagging ears made him instantly recognisable.

'Kreacher?' She whispered in confusion, relinquishing the crying baby to Mrs Weasley, who immediately sniffed at her nappy and then carried her out of the room to change her.

'Yes Mistress,' Kreacher affirmed, placing the huge tray on the coffee table and bowing so low his nose brushed the carpet.

'Kreacher? You're alive…' Tansy shook her head against the fog. 'We thought… I…' A wave of guilt swept through her as she realised that she hadn't even thought of the elf once since waking up in the hospital wing. Merlin, she hadn't thought of him since being captured and taken to Malfoy Manor.

'Kreacher fled to Hogwarts when the Death Eaters came to Mistress's house.' Kreacher said, still in the ridiculous bow. 'Kreacher has been here ever since. A whole year.' Tansy thought that she could hear a faint note of reproach in the elf's muffled voice.

'I'm… I'm sorry Kreacher. Please stand up. I… I didn't mean to leave you there but… but, we…' Her voice trailed off; it just seemed like too much effort to explain and too many words. Talking was too exhausting.

'Kreacher!' There was a muffled exclamation from over by the door and Tansy looked over to see Ron and Hermione standing in the open doorway.

'It's good to see you, Kreacher,' Ron said earnestly, walking over to the elf and extending his hand. The elf shook it, looking rather taken aback at such familiarity with a wizard.

'It was my fault,' Hermione came over and took a seat next to Tansy on the sofa. 'I brought the Death Eaters inside the protective enchantments at Grimmauld Place when we escaped from the Ministry. It was an accident but it meant that we couldn't go back there. And from that point we were on the run.'

'Yes, your fault that you got us away safely,' Ron said, placing a comforting hand on Hermione's shoulder. 'Well almost safely…' He continued, teasingly, pointing to his arm. Tansy winced as she remembered the gaping wound in Ron's upper arm.

'We couldn't summon you because _they_ might've come too… by side along apparition.' She whispered. In spite of the long sleep she'd had, she suddenly felt exhausted again.

'Kreacher understands.' The elf said, still formally but some of the stiffness had left his voice. Still feeling dazed, Tansy reached for the coffee pot and poured herself a mugful. The first gulp made her eyes water but it cleared away her tiredness like magic.

'Kreacher, are you… are you happy here? I mean…' She looked pleadingly at Hermione hoping that her friend would come to her rescue. But Hermione nodded for Tansy to continue. 'The war is over. You… you don't have to work here anymore, not if you don't want to. You can go back to Grimmauld Place or… or anywhere you want.' Kreacher looked at her for a few seconds, apparently considering her proposition.

'Kreacher likes to work here.' He finally said, taking all three of them by surprise. 'Kreacher likes the company. Kreacher doesn't want to be by himself again.' The elf bowed again and then straightened up. 'Does Mistress require anything else or can Kreacher return to work now?'

'Um no… thank you.' Tansy said faintly. Kreacher bowed for a third time, nodded at Hermione and Ron and then disapperated with another loud crack.

'Wonders will never end.' Ron said blithely, helping himself to a piece of toast from Tansy's breakfast tray. Tansy downed the rest of her coffee and quickly reached for a pastry before Mrs Weasley could return and accuse Tansy of giving all of her food away.

* * *

Draco Malfoy's POV

Draco was pretending to study in a disused classroom on the top floor of the castle, although, in actual truth, he was hiding from his peers in the Slytherin common room. He was trying to focus on his Transfiguration homework but he was finding it difficult to get his brain to work; his mind kept returning to the events of the Potions class the previous day. He could not forget Tansy Laverstock's frailty and the look in her eyes; like a trapped animal.

In spite of his strange location, the owl successfully found him. It tapped quietly on the window and Draco, always on edge these days, jumped horribly and knocked over his bottle of ink onto his parchment. His essay had only consisted of his name, the date and the title so it wasn't the end of the world. After flicking his wand at the puddle and returning the ink to the pot, Draco got to his feet and went over to the window and opened it. The owl immediately hopped inside and stuck out its leg towards him. He recognised it as one of high-speed Ministry tawny owls, bred for their strength and stamina on long distance flights.

His hand shook slightly as he undid the leather thong that bound the scroll of parchment tightly to the owl's leg. Draco ignored it; his hands shook a lot these days. Immediately, the owl took flight again through the window. Draco stared after it as it flew out over the forbidden forest, illuminated clearly by the pale moonlight of the nearly full moon. Then, he walked back to the desk and sank down in his chair again.

He withdrew his wand and tapped on the purple wax seal which bore the capital 'M' of the Ministry of Magic and the scroll sprang open, flattening itself out on the desk. The information it contained did not actually come as much of a surprise to him – the trial dates for his parents and his Aunt Bellatrix and the unwelcome information that he would be called to testify against all three of them. Draco had already known that he would be required to do this; both Severus Snape and Minerva McGonagall had vouched for him but Kingsley had set this as one of the conditions for his freedom. He sighed and rolled up the paper again. In less than three weeks he would be standing up in court, testifying against Bellatrix Lestrange. Her convictions were so severe they expected her trial to last for several days. The thought of seeing her again made him tremble and nausea stirred in the pit of his stomach.

He had just collected his stuff together, having decided that it was late enough to sneak back into the eighth year common room and go to bed, when he realised that there was a second scroll of parchment tucked in behind the first. It was from the head of administration at Azkaban prison. Draco read the short letter three times, his earlier nausea returning with a vengeance.

 _You may not be aware that Your Aunt Bellatrix Lestrange is legally allowed one visit from either a friend or family member before her trial commences. She has named you as the person she wishes to see…_

Draco had no idea why Bellatrix Lestrange had named him as her designated visitor. He was sure, however, that there would be an ulterior motive, there always was with his Aunt Bella. There would be a reason why she needed to speak to him before her trial and it wouldn't be a pleasant one. But Draco had no intention of playing her games any longer. The decision was quick and easy – he wouldn't attend.

* * *

Thank you for my reviews so far. Please keep them coming. My work is currently extremely busy as I work in clinical diagnostics so thank you for your patience.


End file.
